It’s midweek. It’s hot. I need to dump my brain. A few things you never needed to know:

1. Yesterday my beloved baby Jeep overheated and I am now the proud owner of a new radiator. I’d show you, but it’s under my hood and I’m a lady. So, no peeking, pervs.

2. Guess who’s wearing shorts from 2008? Me! Boom! Ah 2008,  a magical pre-pregnancy time when we said things like “Yes We Can!” and I was tanned and toned. There is hope ladies. We can wear them again. “Yes We Can!” (Notice I’m also wearing a baby from 2013.)

3. This week is Princess Camp for Charlotte which cracks me up, because she’s a 3 1/2 year-old girl. Her life is freakin’ princess camp. Today is “Frozen” day and she and Erin’s daughter, Miss E, were killing us with the twinsy cuteness.

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

I had another mother ask me if I make my own baby food. I’d really love to say I’m the kind of mother who lovingly purees organic vegetables for my baby, but I’m not. I buy the jars. My hat is off to all of you mamas out there smashing  sweet potatoes and blending peas. I just feel like there are a lot of good options in the stores, so I don’t bother.

Our pediatrician made a big deal about giving Henry only breast milk until he was 6 months-old. I feel like she made a bigger deal about that now than she did when Charlotte was a baby. I gave Charlotte rice cereal at about 5 months or so because someone told me it would help her sleep when she had like, that one night that she wouldn’t sleep well. Ha! If I only knew what I was in for with my second child and sleeping. I didn’t mind waiting until Henry was 6 months to introduce solids to keep his diapers filled with innocent breast milk poop for a little longer.

When Beech Nut reached out to me last month about sampling some of their new line of baby food, I was all like, “Yea! Perfect timing!”

Our pediatrician made a list of baby foods in the order she prefers you introduce them to your baby. This is her list:

1. Rice cereal
2. Yellow vegetables like squash (I can’t really think of other yellow vegetables suitable for baby foods, but whatever.)
3. Green vegetables like peas and green beans
4. Orange vegetables like carrots and sweet potatoes
5. Meats
6. Fruits

Obviously this would all be pureed food. Our doctor suggested introducing them slowly over multiple weeks. Now that Henry is 7 months, he’s at #5 on the list and had some pureed meat. She said she likes to introduce fruit last so they don’t get used to the sweetness and then not eat their veggies. Makes sense. Plus, some kids have allergies to fruits.

Beech Nut’s thing is that their food is not baby food, but “real food for babies.” Full disclosure, I tried it. It was pretty tasty. They sent Henry a sample of four of their new flavors of their Real Food For Babies,  just carrots,  just spinach, zucchini & peas, beets, pear & pomegranate and just honeycrisp apple. I have to hide the jar of apples from his big sister the applesauce fiend. Again, I have not introduced fruits, yet. He has only had the fruit in the beets blend. He loved all the other flavors he received. He doesn’t like his food to be runny. Other brands have been a little soupy for his liking. Not these.  They have a nice texture. Here’s something cool about Beech Nut. They don’t cook most of their new line and if they do, they gently cook it with indirect heat. Many of the Real Food For Babies flavors are created from a puree of raw vegetables and fruits.

I want to know a few things. Did your doctor give you different advice or tell you the same thing? How did you introduce solids to your little one? Do you mix breast milk or formula with your baby’s food? I sometimes do that if he’s not taking it well. How old was your baby when you started baby food? How old for finger foods?

Who wants some free samples of Beech Nut’s new line of baby food?! They come in beautiful boxes suitable for adding to a baby gift for a new mama or mom-to-be. If you just want your baby to try some great food, try to win! I’ll pick two winners on Friday. There are only four quick things you have to do. Super easy! Easier than making your own baby food, that’s for sure. Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclaimer: Beech Nut sent me samples and is offering free samples for my readers. My opinions are free and honest.

Me: “What’s Daddy’s name?”

Charlotte: “Greyson. That’s his name.”

Me: “How old is Daddy?”

Charlotte:  ::pause::”I don’t know Mama, tell me. ”

Me: “No, I’m not telling you. How old do you think Daddy is?”

Charlotte: “Five.”

Me: “What is Daddy as big as?”

Charlotte: “A Daddy!”

Me: “What color is his hair?”

Charlotte: “Brown.”

Me: “What color are his eyes?”

Charlotte: “Blue, like me.”

Me: “What’s his favorite food?”

Charlotte: “Mac and Cheese.”

Me: “No, what’s Daddy’s favorite food?”

Charlotte: “Spaghetti.”

Me: “What is Daddy’s favorite drink?”

Charlotte: “Milk.”

Me: “No, what’s Daddy’s favorite drink?”

Charlotte: “Beer!”

Me: “What’s his favorite color?”

Charlotte: “Orange.”

Me: “What does Daddy like to do?”

Charlotte: “Watch TV.”

Me: “What does Daddy do at work?”

Charlotte: “He works with people.”

Me: “Who are Daddy’s favorite sports teams?”

Charlotte: “Tar Heels and Auburn.”

Me: “What does Daddy do that’s funny?”

Charlotte: ::giggle:: “I don’t know!”

Me: “Yes you do! What does he do funny with ‘Frozen?'”

Charlotte: “Sing Olaf!”

Me: “What do you like to do with Daddy?”

Charlotte: “Dance with him and sing.”

Me: “Who is Daddy’s best friend?”

Charlotte: “You, Mommy.”

Me: “Why do you love Daddy?”

Charlotte: “Because he loves me so much.”

I can’t imagine being somebody’s (somebodies’) parents with anyone else. We love you, Greyson. Happy Father’s Day. Happy Father’s Day to all the daddy’s out there.

I’ve made it no secret how I most often express myself. No, not just the emotional vomit I spew on this blog, but how I express breast milk. I do it in the car. Almost always. I like to call it “Vehicular Milk Expression.” When I was working full-time after my first child, I would pump in the wee hours of the morning so a fresh bottle would be ready for my husband to give the baby while I was on TV reporting the morning news.

I pumped in the news live truck when my photographer was elsewhere. I pumped in my news car in the parking lot of some place while making calls for interviews. I got so good at it I pumped while driving. Even when I wasn’t working I was driving down the road and pumping.

Now that I am home with Baby #2 I find myself on the road toting us around our fair city and find that once again, it’s just easiest to do it in the car. Even if my husband is driving, I’ll be in the passenger seat pumping and putting on makeup. After getting everyone else ready to go somewhere, it’s the only place to get it done and still get somewhere on timeish. Sometimes when he’s driving and notices someone looking at me funny he  says, “Woman! Cover up!” I snort and reply, “Baby’s gotta eat.” Usually my shirt is covering up the goods. It does make me chuckle to think of the fine member of law enforcement who would have the distinction of pulling me over mid-expression. Hey, I’ve said it before, “Baby’s gotta eat.”

So, I get the question all the time, “How do you do it?” I’m glad you asked! Vehicular Milk Expression requires proper equipment. Here’s what you need:

1. A pump: Obviously.

2. A hands-free pumping bra: Keep your hands on the wheel, ladies! Safety first! And yes, it will get milk stains like mine. Sorry. You should know.

3. Bottles: You need pump bottles, but don’t forget a bottle to empty your milk into! I speak from experience. Your baby will need to actually drink this milk.

4. A nursing cover: If you wish. A shirt, jacket/blazer, towel or blanket also works. The cover helps you be hands-free.

5. An AC Adaptor: When I kept running out of batteries I got one of these from Radio Shack, I think. Are there still Radio Shacks? I dunno. Anyway, it plugs into the cigarette lighter in your car. So, when you’re done smoking, you can pump. (I’m kidding. Cigarettes kill, ya’ll.)

Not Pictured: Pump wipes. They are helpful if you are big on cleaning your pump parts. (I’m not.) When I was working, they were a necessity. Batteries if you don’t use the plug.

I hope this helps explain how I express myself! Remember girls, no matter where you have to go, “baby’s gotta eat!”

The past few days I’ve only wanted to spend my time with the women in the Litchfield Women’s Correctional Facility in New York. You know, the new season of “Orange Is The New Black” premiered on Netflix after a long wait. We got together with a group of our best friends to listen to a little Regina Spektor and catch up with Chapman and company this weekend. We admonished one couple for being the traitorous assholes who watched ahead an episode. If you’re not watching this show, start from the beginning and watch. It’s fantastic and lives up to it’s critical accolades.

We joked around and said which character each of our friends are. You would think that I would be Alex Vause. Tall, dark hair, big boobs and dark rimmed glasses. Obvious, right? No. My friend Sam said it best. She looked at me and said, “Amy, you’re Piper Chapman. You think you’re too pretty to go to prison.” I said, “Oh, I know I’m too pretty to go to prison!”

Let’s be clear. I would never get into a salacious love affair with an international drug trafficker like Chapman did. I would listen to my attorney’s advice and never lie under oath, that’s for sure. However, like Chapman, I would ask my husband to keep my blog updated while I’m locked up and I would read up on prison life before turning myself over.

mrgolightly.tumblr.com

piperchapman.tumblr.com

Seriously. I don’t think I’d make it in prison. Since watching the HBO series “OZ” during the height of its popularity I am convinced we are all one bad decision away from being locked up. I think any teens needing to be scared straight should be forced to watch “OZ.” As a teen I tried to steal one time just to see what it was like. I took a pack of gum from a hotel gift shop while on an overnight trip with my church youth choir. I got 100 feet into the lobby and felt so guilty I turned around and told the clerk I accidentally walked out, forgetting it was in my hand. I paid the $1.50 and vowed never to try to steal anything again. The only rush I ever got from shoplifting was rushing back to pay for something out of guilt. Clearly I never needed to be scared straight.

It’s no surprise that the story lines in “Orange Is The New Black” that have stuck with me at this time in my life are the ones about the mothers. Seeing the pregnant woman come back to prison with empty arms after delivering her baby was awful. I look at my babies’ faces and think what it would be like if I didn’t see them everyday because I was behind bars. I realized millions of families around our nation deal with that daily.

You could say that I drive safer, and continue to live right so I don’t become even more like Chapman. Now I have to run and go pick up my child from school on time. I can’t even handle being admonished by the preschool teachers, imagine how I would handle prison guards.