Charlotte’s princess love runs deep. That’s typical for a 3 1/2 year-old girl. But, a new love has taken us by surprise. Love? Obsession? Call it what you will, but a new cartoon has become a huge part our lives. Actress Lily Tomlin’s voice fills our house and pipes out of my iPad everyday. Little Richard’s catchy theme song haunts my dreams. I sing his tune in the car and in the kitchen.

I hear, “Mama, do you want to play Magic School Bus?!” All. Day. Long.

For the uninitiated, “The Magic School Bus” is an animated series that originally aired on PBS in the mid to late nineties. It was based on a series of Scholastic books. It ran in syndication for awhile in the early 2000’s. All of this happened way after I was into children’s programming. I have Netflix and my step-brother, a well-meaning millennial uncle, to thank for introducing my daughter to this show.

Apparently Ms. Tomlin won a Daytime Emmy for her starring role as Ms. Frizzle. Ha! She’s got nothing on me. I play the role of Ms. Frizzle constantly. From the moment I am out of bed, through baby brother diaper changes, in the preschool carpool line, while I’m answering emails and even when I’m on the commode, I am Ms. Frizzle.

I hear, “Ms. Crizzle?! Ms. Crizzle?!” through the bathroom door. I say, “Yes, Ralphie?” You see, Ralphie is her favorite of the gang. I’m not sure why. He strikes me as the chubby slacker with his cap on backwards, but apparently she digs that. I then need to think of some adventure for this group of ethnically diverse tweens while incorporating elementary science education. Biology? Physics? Physiology? Climatology? Pick a concentration. I’m pretty proud of our trip “inside a flower” the other day. Without getting all “birds and bees” I successfully drove the bus through a flower, pointing out pollen, nectar, the stamen, the pistol, stem, roots etc. I should find my fifth grade teacher on Facebook and thank her.

I feel really guilty, but I must confess I’m getting pretty sick of it. It’s exhausting. I even suggested we play “Frozen” the other day for the millionth time, simply for a change of pace. Playing “Frozen used to be easy until Elsa froze something and the Magic School Bus slid on ice. I had to explain salt melts ice, not acts of true love. Charlotte knows that I am utterly repulsed by the episode where the bus gets into Ralphie’s bloodstream through the scab on his knee under his Band Aid. So, she loves to discuss that one. Gag. Some of the books we found at the library are over her head at age 3, so she focuses on the kids and their relationships.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE that she loves this show about science. It’s a really good show. It’s very educational.  I hear your argument, “Amy, we need to promote science and math to our girls!!!! STEM!!!! What is wrong with you?!?” I get that, but having to act it out all day is wearing me down. I don’t want to squelch her enthusiasm, but sometimes I need a break from driving the bus.

But, then she says, “Mama, my white blood cells attack the inflection!!!” ::sigh:: That bit of learning alone makes pretending to drive a bus through a scabby knee less gross. So, I’ll see you tomorrow on the bus, fighting “inflections” and doing my part for STEM education.

There are looks only we get to see as mothers. The looks on the faces of our children. It starts with milk dribbles down their chins with sleepy, smiley eyes as they peek around our breasts or their bottle. They meet our gazes and grin between suckles.

Only we get to see the adoring eyes from a stumbling toddler when they say, “Mama!” Those sparkling, drooling smiles are for their mamas.

Their looks of horror after scraping a knee or hearing a loud noise are scary, indeed. But, they are faces that show that only you will do, mom. Only you.

I love the excited face, the face after you are reunited with your child after a few hours or days. The face of joy that we see and we can’t help but scoop up our babes, relieved they are back in our arms.

Enjoy the looks. Those faces make life better and they are for us, alone. Happy Mother’s Day.

Dear Henry,

Half of me can’t believe yesterday was your half birthday, the other half can’t believe it’s only been 6 months since you arrived. In a way, it feels like you’ve always been part of our family.

This month you became a scooting, grabbing, kicking baby on the move. Well, you’re trying very hard to be on the move. You’re not crawling quite yet, but there are few things that come between you and the toy you want to hold and chew.

Your sister is the one person that will often come between you and your toy of choice. She has taken to taking what you want to hold. Often you take this in stride and keep smiling, but occasionally you have been letting out a squawk of opposition. Since you were born we only heard cries from you for one reason, you wanted to eat! Now, you might get frustrated reaching for something, or you just want someone to come smile at you. I warned Charlotte you will probably be bigger and stronger than her soon.

Your head is giant. I’m sorry to tell you that, son. It’s true. You get it from your grandfathers. I’m having trouble finding baby hats to fit your massive noggin. That’s not the only thing big. The rest of you is large and in charge too. We giggle at your delicious baby rolls.

I’m treasuring these days of you napping on me. I know they are fleeting. I love feeling your warmth and smelling your sweet baby smell. You like little naps with Daddy in his chair.

I’m excited for the next 6 months and years to come with you.  You are our special, smiley little guy. You make our family whole. Happy Half Birthday! I love you, my sweet, sweet boy.

Love,

Mama

Since being home, my wardrobe has gone to shit. When I was working full-time I may have rocked a low ponytail too often. It did have a side part to look “professional.” Let’s be honest, it was just in a low ponytail because it was dirty, but I was dressed for work. I had on clothes that weren’t yoga pants. Now I frequently squeeze into these spandex running capri things because that’s what the other moms wear when they sweat it out with me and our screaming children in strollers.

So, yesterday I was psyched to wear a dress for the preschool Mother’s Day Tea. I had every intention to dry my hair and wear it down, but the road to low ponytails is paved with good intentions. The first dress I tried on was way too short. I was worried I would flash my vag to the three-year-old’s if I had to sit in those tiny chairs, so I opted for one a little longer. Well, I ended up being a tad too scandalous for the kids, but didn’t know it.

You see, Henry slept through the night Monday night! Woop woop! He has only done that a handful of times. My husband says I rejected his advances when I rolled over in deep, blissful sleep yesterday morning. I have no recollection of this shunning. I slept until 7:00 am! It was glorious and everything I thought it could be. Greyson woke up with Charlotte, so I could sleep. This meant that when I did wake up my boobs were like ZOMG, full of milk! I fed him, dressed the kids and decided on this purple dress.

I packed my pump in the car with everything else to pump while I drive. That’s my thing. Vehicular milk expression. But, I was wearing a dress. Blerg. Well, it was only an hour, forget it. I figured I’d be alright. I didn’t pump. I was a little lopsided since he ate on one side, but I’d be okay. Right?!

The tea was adorable! We got flowers in pots the kids had painted. Oh, God a flower! I kill anything in potting soil. I really hoped to keep this little flower alive.

I got to hear my girl sing her class songs in her pretty dress. I was able to squat down by the tiny tables in a ladylike way to take a selfie.

But again, I suck at selfies. My friend Clare caught me taking forever to take a selfie.

After the tea I got back to the car and something happened that hasn’t happened in MONTHS. My overflowing boobs leaked on my dress. I also forgot my nursing pads/nipple covers so I was straight up nippin’ out of the dress. I was so full my cleavage was busting out of the top. Yep, nips and cleavage at the preschool in the Baptist church.

Then, as if the pump was throwing itself in my face to prove a point, I was forced to slam on breaks leaving the tea. The pump slid and knocked my flowerpot, sending dirt all over the car.

So the preschool tea gave me a physics lesson I already knew. If your boobs are too full, they will overflow. I guess that’s really biology, but you know what I mean. The other biology lesson? If there is a plant, even a precious one given to me by a child, I will kill it. That’ll teach me to try to wear a dress. Today I’m back in my shitty wardrobe.  Spandex with a low ponytail and proud of it!

Dear Charlotte,

I’ve been writing all these monthly letters to your baby brother in his first year, just as I did for you, but it has not escaped me that you are 3 1/2 today. I’ll be interested to hear what you think of these letters one day. After your first year, I have written to you on your birthdays and half birthdays. Maybe I’ll bind them all in a book, a book for you and a book for Henry with his letters.

I feel like we just celebrated your third birthday and waited patiently for Henry to arrive four days later. That was six months ago. You’ve been our spirited 3-year-old, the light in our house and the energy in our lives. We thrive on your enthusiasm.

Charlotte, you have embraced change in these six months. You became a big sister and we became a family of four. You left your daycare to go to part-time preschool. You started gymnastics. You spend more time with me each day and it is amazing!

Some of my favorite things about you continue. You love to learn and read books. Your vivid imagination means you have a tale of your “Imagination Friends” everyday. Tiki, Choo Choo and Maddie fill your mind with endless adventures that help you make sense of your world. You have been really excited about science and geography lately. You will say, “Mama, let’s talk about the sun and the earth!” We got books about the planets from the library for you. You built a garden with Daddy and you always want to check your plants. You are forcing me to brush up on my Spanish as you ask what many words are in Spanish and I honestly do not remember. Mamá no te da vergüenza! (I must confess to you I used an online translator for that one.)

Princesses are still your favorite thing. We watch you in different princess dress-up clothes each day. You can recite “Frozen” word for word and song for song. You want us to act out each scene with you. Princesses are so real for you. They are your heroes and friends. I don’t want to tell you that they are fairy tales. I so badly want the stories to be real for you.

Charlotte you look so grown-up now. Gone is the toddler physique. In its place is a slender, small little girl with bouncing long curls and bright blue eyes. Your skin is so fair and ivory. You get frustrated when I brush your hair and slather on sunscreen, but if I tell you it makes you pretty like a princess, you’re okay with it. I chuckle and shake my head when I have to tell you that. I didn’t mean for you to be a girly-girl like me, but there is no denying it, you are.

You have embraced your role as big sister. I love seeing your developing relationship with your brother. He watches everything you do, Charlotte. You like to make him giggle. You are proud to show him off to your friends. I have to warn you that he will one day be bigger and stronger than you , so you may want to stop taking every toy he wants to hold.

You have had your difficult 3-year-old moments. You told your first lie recently. You have learned about lying and disobeying. You don’t want to be bad, but you are testing your limits, no doubt. Forgive me when I’m not always as patient and kind as I should be. You are only 3 and I forget that sometimes.

You are growing strong and becoming a remarkable little person. It is the honor of my life to raise you and Henry with Daddy. I love being your Mama. I love you, my darling, darling girl.

Love,

Mama