In the corner of our kitchen is this little Advent Calendar.

I know what you’re thinking, “Oh God, Amy!  Didn’t you promise not to write about your lady parts on the Internet?!”  I did.  This isn’t about them, so get over it.  Plus, that promise was during pregnancy.  Now that I’ve actually had a baby, much of my former modesty has gone out the window.  So here goes a post along similar lines…

Don’t let these “organics” fool you.  I’m not this cool, nor this green.  I just happened to be at Trader Joes and this is all they have.

All week long I’ve been explaining that Santa Claus says “Ho! Ho! Ho!”  Charlotte looked a me like I was nuts.  That’s fair, I am.

We waited until she was napped and fed before heading to the same baby boutique we went to last year.  This Santa is great!  It was all parents of babies and little toddlers.  Perfect!  Short line, and Santa had jingle bells on his wrist to distract the little ones and force them to look at their picture snapping parents.

Charlotte thought Santa was okay.  No tears.  Honestly, she didn’t react that differently than she did last year, she was just conscious.  

Since she was born, Charlotte and I have taken naps on the couch at least a few times a week.  It was often the best time of my whole day after coming home from an exhausting morning shift.  She would snuggle on my chest and I would feel her breath rise and fall with such peace.  I would smell her baby scent and say prayers thanking God she is my child as I fell asleep.  It was our nap time.

One of the first times she fell asleep on my chest in November, 2010

Yesterday afternoon we settled in on the couch, but Charlotte was unsettled.  Clearly she was tired as she thrashed around and whined.  She just couldn’t get comfortable.  I knew she needed a nap so I took her up to rock her and put her in her crib.  We sat in the wooden rocking chair in her room like we’ve done hundreds of times before.  She wasn’t having it, so I just put her in the crib and she went right down.

Today it was the exact same thing.

And my heart broke.

Is she really barreling this fast toward toddlerhood and leaving me behind clinging to last of her babyness?  Does she not feel the same comfort being close to her Mama now that she’s bigger and she’s not nursing?Are all of our snuggling days over?

Then I got to thinking about it.  I mean, she is my child.  I didn’t like to be rocked.  I also don’t like to snuggle, except with Greyson and Charlotte.  I under NO circumstances like to be touched when I’m trying to sleep.  Just ask my sister who was forced to share a bed with me for a number of years.  Lord help the person who breathes on me when I am sleeping!

So maybe she just got that trait from me and I shouldn’t take it so personal.  I should just accept this new phase.  She’s growing up.

Or I could just wait until she’s extra super tired and try to snuggle again tomorrow.  He he!  Wish me luck!