Help a reader out- August 3, 2010
Today’s #31DBBB blog challenge is to help solve a problem for readers in my niche. I have no sound parenting advice since I’m not a full-fledged mom. (I’m full of criticism, however. I’ll save it.)
A problem I have run into is people saying really weird stuff to me as a pregnant woman. Why people feel like they can say inappropriate things to pregnant women, I will never know. So to help readers I have solicited the help of the funniest person I know. Greyson. This is our list of witty retorts to rude comments. These are all things people have actually said to me or someone I know. My responses are in regular font. Greyson’s retorts are in italics.
1. Stupid person: “Hey there ‘Mama’.”
Pregnant woman: (looking around) “Oh, I’m sorry, were you talking to me? I thought your mom was here or something.”
Pregnant woman: “That’s right, I’m your Mama…now go to your room and think about why you’re a jack-ass!”
2. Stupid person as Pregnant woman is carrying a cup of coffee: “That’s decaf right?”
Pregnant woman: “Nope, espresso, with a double shot of Kalaua.”
Pregnant woman: “No, it’s a big glass of…shut the hell up….here, take sip.”
3. Stupid man giving stupid advice to a pregnant woman: “My wife just had a baby.”
Pregnant woman: “Well congratulations! I had no idea that means you as a father then became an OB/GYN! Allow me to be the first to say ‘Way to go MD!’ You finished your Obstetrical resisdency so fast!”
Pregnant woman: “Looking at the man boobs it’s clear your wife’s breasts aren’t the only pair that have swelled.”
4. Stupid person after hearing it was a girl: “I knew it! I told you it was a girl!”
Pregnant woman: “You had a 50-50 shot, way to go! I’m taking you to Vegas with that kind of luck!”
Pregnant woman: “I told you to drink this glass of shut the hell up.”
5. Stupid person: “Your stomach is really starting to get big.”
Pregnant woman: “I didn’t eat a baby. It’s not in my stomach. Would you like an anatomy lesson so you know exactly where it is?”
Pregnant woman: “Before I call you an idiot, I want you to take 10 seconds, think about what you just said and see if you can figure it out for yourself.”
6. Stupid person: “You are about to pop!”
Pregnant woman: “OMG, you’re right….GET DOWN, GET DOWN NOW, placenta everywhere….oh the humanity!”
7. Stupid person: “Are you sure you’re not carrying twins?”
Pregnant woman: “Are you sure you’re parents aren’t siblings?”
8. Stupid man complaining about how there’s no good looking women in this town and pregnant woman tells him she just found out she’s pregnant: “Well, there goes another one!”
Pregnant woman: “I’d tell you to just go gay…but I don’t think you’d have success with men either…monasteries are always looking for guys just like you to join the brotherhood.”
9. Stupid person: “You shouldn’t be carrying/doing that.”
Pregnant woman: “I know you’re trying to be chivalrous, but save it for the high school girls when you offer to buy them alcohol.”
10. Stupid person: “You shouldn’t be eating that.”
Pregnant woman: “But it goes so well with a beer and a cigarette.”
Hopefully this saves someones sanity. What else did people say ladies? What was your retort?
Spread it around:
you. just. made. my. day.
i'm not pregnant. not married. don't even really want kids. but i'm bookmarking this. just in case.
Happy Birthday! I love #7- I got that one, too. It's amazing what people say. Greyson is hiarious, too. Go 31DBB!
These were so funny! Your husband is hilarious! I'm trying to remember way back when…gosh I feel old. I do remember someone saying I must be carrying twins…how rude can people be…I like your retort here, coulda used that!
i can't wait to hear what my husband says to the stupid people after we get pregnant. it should be highly entertaining. thanks for making me laugh.
These are so funny! You and your husband are quite a funny pair!! Although I definitely wouldn't want to piss either of you off and be the recipient of one of these remarks! Great post!
hahaha. i kind of did #8. my answer was, Are you sure you're parents aren't related. wish i'd thought to use the word sibling. much more oomph! to it. 😀 good post. loved it.
oh wait! i forgot to mention, i got really snarky during my last pregnancy. someone said to me, wow, did you swallow a watermelon. and i said, no, but if you have one, bend over, i'll help you get it in. i know, it was a bad thing to say, but i was 6 months along, 4th pregnancy (2nd one in two years) and feeling so self-conscious and was pissed every time someone i worked with opened their mouth.
I always hated those "You're about to pop" comments. Especially when you still have a month to go. And when it's from a man who has no idea just how big a woman gets before the baby.
Stopping by from SITS.
Universal rule… when chatting with a pregnant woman, ask her how far along she is and then say "Oh you look great!" At times I found "you don't look like you're that far along" offensive. It's like "oh, am I not being pregnant enough for you?!" And at times comments about being big were offensive. Do people *really* think we don't realize how big we are? And the twins comments – that's a good way to get a swollen fingered slap across the face. By the time a woman is big enough to look like she's carrying twins, she's pretty damn sure there are NOT 2 babies in there. Or, if there are, I'm sure she'll tell you without you asking!
Haha! Love this! I hated these kinds of questions when I was pregnant too. ESPECIALLY from other pregnant moms. Boo!
Love your blog!
<3MaryAnne aka new follower
Oh and I also love your Shakes before Dinner site! You should start it up again!
cracks me up! you picked a funny one for sure!
….blushing