Weaning woes and low blows- November 29, 2011
Hey there. Yeah, I’m talking to you, the mothers of other one-year-olds, mothers who’ve also been through the ups and downs of past year as a newbie parent. I thought we had an understanding and a circle of support going on.
I guess I was wrong.
I’ve seen you exchange glances and heard your judgmental tones when you ask about breastfeeding. You asked the other day how it was going weaning my baby off a bottle.
Me: “Great. I don’t give her a bottle at all anymore. She just nurses once a day. I don’t have to pump anymore. That a relief! Ha! How about you?”
::unnecessary awkward pause::
You: “Oh, you’re still breastfeeding? She’s one. How long are you going to do that?”
::This is when you gave “that look” to another mother. Thanks. That didn’t make me feel at all like an inadequate freak::
Me: “Oh, yeah, well I wanted to do it for the first year. We’re working on weaning.”
I don’t think one year is “extended breastfeeding”. Even if I was choosing to do that, what’s it to you? It’s not really your business.
Do you remember all the stress, frustration, and tears you experienced when you were trying to breastfeed? Did you ever stop to think that I may be experiencing those same feelings now as I’m trying to wean? I never once made you feel bad for feeding your baby formula. I feel terrible for moms who’ve been made to feel inadequate because they don’t/can’t breastfeed. Guess what? It goes both ways. I even blogged in defense of baby-feeding choice.
We’re just one year into this, ladies. Let’s support each other. We’re going to be making lots of different choices over the years.
Spread it around:
I dread the day weaning happens. Though, I am looking forward to May 25th to stop pumping!!!
Weaning is so bittersweet.
Amen.
Don't let her get you down! Weaning is definitely a bittersweet and emotional experience. My goal was 1 year and then my son weaned himself at 13m.
I'm weaning too. With Will, it was easy. He did it himself. John is not ready to wean, but I'm doing it because of a new medication I'm taking. I still nurse him at night (after pumping and dumping). What I've decided to do is not offer, but not refuse. If he roots, I let him nurse. If he doesn't root, I don't offer. I think your nursing Charlotte past a year is wonderful and actually recommended by the WHO. You might look at Mayim Bialik's blog on Kvelling.com. She's still nursing a three year old and is pretty vocal about how she's over other people getting in her business.
I wrote a couple of weeks ago (Second Base) about this formula/breastmilk war and how it just seems to be women taking cheap shots at each other for something that really only matters in a child's infancy, whatever the studies say. I think we all need to only concern ourselves with what's going on in our own bras and stop worrying about what's happening in someone elses.
I breast fed until Peyton was 11.5 months. I wanted to go to 12 months but he weened himself and i did not push the issue. It is so very bittersweet. Hang in there and I think you are doing an excellent job of being a momma! Only you and Charlotte decide the right time to ween. And the other women are most likely jealous of you for continuing to breast feed.
That totally sucks!!! Keep your chin up! There are a lot of mamas who totally got your back on this one and can relate, myself included. It's too bad that there are others who are so judgmental. When I would got the rude questions (I nursed until 20 months), I would try to remember that it was often b/c these people were insecure about their own choices. I knew my baby was healthy and happy and we were making the right choice for our baby. Sometimes for fun I would laugh and say, "Oh you know, we're going to nurse until she's five or maybe until she goes to college." But usually I would just say that I was taking it day by day and that I would wean in the next couple of months when it felt right. That usually worked. It's good to keep in mind that there are a lot of wonderful supportive open-minded moms who understand that each one of us has to choose what's right for our own families, but unfortunately, it's much easier to remember/focus on the mean ones. Ugh, hate how that works! All will be well – good luck!
You know the judgement is so crazy! If people want to hear a certain answer when they ask how things are going – they shouldn't ask!
Weird, once we made it to one year it was like there were 2 camps. Moms who thought I had lost my mind that my daughter was 14 months old and still breast feeding once or twice a day, and then the mothers who thought that me cutting out breast feeding session at all was totally wrong.
In the end, my daughter weened herself. She just stopped one day. I didn't stress about it and it was just fine. Just fine for us that is. You are doing what is perfect for you and Charlotte and that is the best plan.