I was ready to turn my tassel and become an adult in 2003 when an Ivy League undergrad was busy writing Internet code that would unknowingly change all of our lives.  Oh, Mark Zuckerberg!  I don’t think you had any idea using your invention would become a daily habit, as regular as brushing our teeth.  Let’s be honest, we check our Facebook way more times in a day than we practice good oral hygeine.

I never realized how many people I knew until Facebook started keeping track for me.  Facebook made catching up at my 10 year high school reunion very easy.  “So, I saw on Facebook you just got married!  Congratulations!”  “Those pictures you posted were amazing!  You must love living in DC!”

Like everyone, I’m guilty of “stalking” one person or another from my past.  Not creepy felony stalking, mind you, but just keeping track.  You know, the people who you always look at their pictures and click on their posted links.  I may or may not have obnoxiously  re-requested an ex-boyfriend’s sister like five times after she defriended me.  (Oh no she didn’t!?!) If she was gonna snub me, I was gonna annoy her.

From allfacebook.com

Facebook is the passive-aggressive person’s dream come true.  Not many of us would ever say to someone’s face what we would post online.  I would be as sweet as sugar to her if I saw her on the street.  (Then I would call my mom, pronto.  We’d need to dish.  Don’t act like you wouldn’t do that too.)

I’ve come to learn, however, Facebook karma is a bitch.

There’s this one girl I’m “Facebook friends” with that has never been a real life friend.  I’ve known her a very long time and I’ve never respected her, nor cared to be around her.  Let me be clear that I would never wish real harm on anyone.  But, sometimes looking at Facebook makes me feel, well, mischevious.

This girl recently posted pictures of her adorable children.  I looked at her smiling, cute little 3-year-old son and thought, “I hope she steps on one of his Legos.”

Image from Rage Comics

Charlotte doesn’t have Legos yet, but she does have Duplos.  Later that night I stepped on the edge of one just perfectly.  I was cursing the Internet Gods.  “Damn you Mark Zuckerberg!”