No idea- July 30, 2012

I’m always amazed at how different she looks now from when she was first born. But, not when she’s sleeping. To me, when she’s asleep her face looks exactly the same as it did when she was a tiny newborn.

The other night when I went in to check on her one last time before going to bed. Instead of a quick look, I stopped and sat on the floor. I was on my knees with my head pressed against the crib bars, my face just inches from hers.

I silently watched her breathe and like so many other times I was overwhelmed with how much love I have for my child.

I kept thinking….

Do you have any idea how much I love you?
Do you have any idea what I would do for you?
The lengths I would go to for your security? Your well-being? Your happiness?
Do you know?

No, she doesn’t. I can tell her and show her in a million different ways, but she won’t know until she becomes a mother herself.

Just after she was born I remember thinking, “Oh! So THIS is how much my mother loves me. I get it now.”

I think it must be one of the cruelties of parenthood, knowing your child will never understand until they have their own.