The End Of Breastfeeding My Babies- December 12, 2014
He’s 13 months old. He nurses less and less. He would drink more if I let him, but today he just nursed before bed. I stopped pumping right after his first birthday. He kept breastfeeding each day before naps and bed, but we’re doing it less. His big sister stopped at 13 months. I remember being a little sad, but I was okay. Time marched on. I would have another baby. No biggie. It was actually nice to have my body be my own again.
This time I’m sad.
This might be my last baby. All the infant milestones have been a little more bittersweet with the second baby, but this one hurts.
What if this is the last time I ever nurse one of my babies? This might be it. It may be over. I may never be pregnant again. I may never snuggle my sleepy newborn or snuggle my round little infant as they suckle.
If I stop nursing him, will he still want to snuggle with me? Maybe. Maybe not. Everyday I steal kisses and snuggles in “catch and release” style as he wobbles toward toddlerhood.
Part of me is ready to be done breastfeeding. He has a mouth full of teeth and vigorous kicking legs. But, the other part of me looks into his eyes that are turning a darker shade of blue into the green of my own and I want to hold him tighter. I cradle a baby that is (kind of) calm when he nurses. He smiles with coos and grunts that make us both giggle. Those times are ours alone, and they are numbered.
I don’t know when the last time I nurse him will be. I don’t remember the exact last time with my daughter. I just know it’s coming soon.
Instead of mourning the time gone, I’m trying to be thankful for being able to successfully breastfeed two healthy babies. I know not all mothers get that. I’m thankful that breastfeeding was a mostly positive experience for me.
This just marks the end of infancy. I am excited for what is to come. I am. I’m just bracing my heart for more milestones that may be a little bittersweet.
Alright. I’m bucking up. I’m looking into their little faces and being excited and thankful. I can do this. It’s almost time for the last time, and that’s okay. Writing this makes me feel better. Time marches on. Ah, motherhood! It is bittersweet.
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I got a knot in my stomach reading this! My little guy is 10 months old. I’m dreading the prospect of weaning. I plan on letting him self-wean, simply b/c I think that’ll be less traumatic on him, me, and my boobs. What if he just one day doesn’t nurse anymore?! I know that’s coming and it makes me sad. I didn’t have any issues with postpartum depression, but I foresee some post-weaning depression in my future
Good for you for looking at the positive side of all of this! It’s all definitely bittersweet!
Aw! Good luck Kristin! That’s tough. I found that because I stopped pumping first, it was much less painful physically on my boobs. Ouch! It’s totally okay to talk to a therapist or your doctor if you get the blues. Trust me! I know. Hang in there.
Ugh, I’m dreading the end too. Rachel is almost 10m and I’m (fairly) certain we are not having a fourth baby. This has by far been my best breastfeeding experience. I will be so dad for it to end. #1 was an epic failure. #2 went well but he was huge and hungry and I couldn’t keep up with his demands, so i supplemented from about 2m on. Third time has definitely been the charm.
Thank you so much for sharing! I’m going through this right now with my almost 13 month old. Bittersweet is the perfect word, I am really ready to stop pumping but I’m sad that the period is over and that she’s growing up (cue sobbing) But same as you I am looking forward to the future and excited about all the milestone to come!