I wanted to dress the kids in their Tar Heel gear in honor of the beloved long-time men’s head basketball coach Dean Smith. He died this weekend. When I had a boy after having a girl there were surprisingly quite a few outfits and onesies I could pass down to Baby Brother from Big Sister. Yellow and green pajamas, plain white undershirts and sports shirts come to mind.

We had lots of sports stuff. All our family’s alma maters, both NFL teams and our NHL team. The shirts go on and on. I found this one in Henry’s size.

I looked at him. Something looked funny. It took me a second, then I noticed the little white hearts and the puckered sleeves. Oh, technically this is a “girls shirt.” I thought for a second about leaving him in it. If it took me that long to notice, who cares, right? I chuckled and changed his shirt.

Then I got frustrated that I chuckled at this situation. I was frustrated at myself for changing my son’s clothes. I imagined for a second that my children were reversed, that I had a boy first and a girl second. If a little sister were to wear her brother’s old t-shirt it would be “cool” or “fun.” If my son wears his sister’s shirt, it’s humorous or even degrading. Even as a one-year-old it somehow emasculates him to wear a “girl shirt.” It goes back to the “guys dressing in drag is funny” thing. I love the little hearts, personally. For my daughter it was awesome. We’re girly-girls but we also love sports and cheering on our teams. That’s just who we are. But, I changed my son’s shirt.

If I can accomplish one thing as a mother raising a son it would be that one day he is in a locker room, on a playground or gym and corrects another boy for using the term “like a girl” in a derogatory way. (That Super Bowl ad. Loved it!) Even if he never corrects another, I have done my job if he never says someone is “like a girl” in a bad way.

It’s funny, though. I never said the word “princess” to my daughter and she found the pink sparkly magic all by herself. I never said the word “train” to my son and he is suddenly fanatical about trains and trucks. There is something to be said for “kid stuff” in general, though. My daughter loves “Cars,” my son watches “Sofia The First.”

If I’m such a feminist, then why did I change his clothes? Well, I figure I’ll start my kids out in the traditional garb of their gender and they can make their own decisions later. My daughter loves dresses. That’s what she likes and chooses to wear. If one day my son wants to wear his sister’s old “Frozen” shirt. I’ll cringe for whatever ridicule he may face. I’ll warn him some people may be rude about it, but I’ll let him make the decision.

Before the basketball tournaments I’ll find a “boys” Tar Heels shirt for him. I’ll be a feminist example through actions, not wardrobe.