Hello! Are you my male co-worker, father, father-in-law, boy cousin, one of my girlfriends’ husbands, stepdad or grandfather? (Of course you’re not my grandfather. Neither grandfather knows what a blog is nor how to use the Internet.) If you are any others on that list, take a hint and stop reading. Seriously, shoo! Here you go. Not to insult you, but I hear you guys like this. Read it. Go on! You’ve been warned.

Okay, are we all clear?  Good.

Ya’ll, I’m already a lactation sensation at 26 weeks pregnant! I’m not even kidding you. It’s been going on for a few weeks now. Tiny drops here and there. Tonight breast milk came out for real when I squeezed to express a little. I was just curious in the shower as I’ve been feeling it on and off.

I explained to my breastfeeding coworker that I seriously can not see her walking down the hall with her pump without getting that old familiar feeling. I told my mom how itchy and “let downish” I often feel. I was baffled by this as this was NOT the case during my first pregnancy. I wondered if it was just because I know what the feeling is this time?

Regardless it’s bizarre. With my first baby I didn’t see a drop until the nurse in the delivery room explained how to express a little to nurse my baby for the first time. I think my exact words were, “Well, I’ll be damned, there’s milk in there!” I saw the tiny drops of colostrum form and was truly amazed that my body had decided to make food for another human.

Confession. Don’t laugh. I had no idea nipples have lots of little holes. I thought it was just one hole like a cow. Then I thought, “Oh, my God! Do cows have lots of little holes on their nipples, or just one?!” If you are an expert in bovine veterinary medicine, feel free to drop some knowledge on me. Oh, and if you’re like me and didn’t know what colostrum is, skip a step and click here. You’re welcome.

I was thinking about how unbelievably blind I was going into breastfeeding the first time. I knew pretty much nothing and suddenly became a milk making machine. I did what I was told could never be done. I was a full-time working mother who exclusively breastfed for an entire year. I credit this to two things:

1. I didn’t cheap out on the breast pump and got a good one. (My pump was great. I’ve already told my sister to get the even better one than I did.)
2. I just got really freakin’ lucky. I mean, really lucky. (I made a lot of milk and my kid took to it really well.)

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that it’s showing up so early, but it just made things really real, you know? I know I’m pregnant and I know we’re having another baby, but honestly, I haven’t done much to prepare for this child. Granted, with my first pregnancy I started a blog, dove into message board groups, did copious amounts of stroller research, found the safest non-toxic nursery paint and registered for everything everyone told me I would ever need, ever.

For this baby…uh. Well…we have an empty room with a closet full of infant equipment handed down from his/her big sister.

Those little drops on my boob made me realize I do have a few things I want to accomplish before I bust out the old pump again. ::sigh:: Okay, Baby 2.0. You’ve made it known with your kicks and milk that you are on your way. I promise to be ready for you. Clearly I’ll be ready to greet you with a drink. Cheers!

This weekend I went to the baby shower of a first-time mom.  Amber is a girl I grew up with and one of my sister’s best friends.  (See picture below. That’s Amber.) Julie is my little sister, but Kristen and Amber made up their gruesome threesome.  I feel like the other two are sort of “little sisters” too.

Amber had a mountain of gifts, thoughtfully wrapped and checked off her registry.  Many other young mothers, me included, talked about different gifts.  You know, how no Americans knew who Sophie was 5 years ago, unless you had a baby in the last 5 years.  Now like, OMG everyone’s baby LOVES them!

I sat there with my two-year-old but I found my mind running.  I wanted to shout out, “Oooh!  Let me tell you how to best use that!” or “I used that this one time when…”  I chatted with the mom-to-be about childcare and other things, but I wanted to say more.  I found myself bubbling up with advice that I had to consciously bottle up at the shower.  I didn’t want to be like, “I know it all because a person came out of my birth canal and I kept it alive for two years!”  No one likes that woman.  Then I thought, “Oh that’s right.  I have a blog.  I can write whatever I want to there.”

So here it is.  For all the Amber’s out there with your big bellies and glowing faces. My advice.  Take it or leave it.  I give it with love.

• Get a really good breast pump.  DO NOT cheap out on a breast pump.   It pays for itself as much as you use it.  Oh!  It pays for itself anyway.  For working mothers, breast pumps are now tax deductible.  Go ahead and warn your husband they are like $300.  But, save the receipt!  Again, TAX DEDUCTIBLE!  I did not rent one from the hospital because of this.  I had the Medela one that looks like a purse.  It was great.
• Get a hands-free pumping bra.  Looks hilarious, but extremely handy.  You’re welcome Bessie, now hook on up to that there pump and get yourself milked!  That’s  a good girl!
• Get on a waiting list for a day-care NOW!  If you’re not already on one by your baby shower, you may be screwed.  Sorry.  It’s true.  We were on five and only one could take us when I needed to go back to work.  Oh, it’s $150 to just get your name on the list at each one.  No, it’s not refundable.
• Wrap up those Dr. Brown’s bottles and take them back to the store.  They are a gigantic pain in the ass.  You will spend the next year of your life with a tiny bristle brush washing those stupid parts.  I’m not convinced they are any better than any other bottle and now I will have to use them for the next kid because I have about 25 of the damn things.
• Take the Brest Friend pillow to the hospital.  For me, it is the greatest breastfeeding invention of all time.  When I was shopping for Amber I saw the new Born Free pillow and got very excited.  It looks really great too and may have some features the Brest Friend pillow doesn’t have.
• You may have to buy more than one nursing pillow.  I had a Boppy at the hospital.  A friend brought me a Brest Friend.  Boom!  That worked.  Find the one that works.  For me, the Brest Friend worked when she was little, but the Boppy was better when she was older.  Like I said, the Born Free looks phenomenal.  You’ll have to adjust as you get more comfortable with nursing and your baby grows.
• Find a pediatrician.  We toured ours before the baby was born.  I didn’t know it, but having a lactation consultant at the pediatrician’s office was WONDERFUL for those newborn visits. Yep, I whipped out my boobs for the nurse at the peds office.  I needed advice and I knew she could give it.  Be weary of peds offices that don’t have them and be weary of peds offices that pump out formula samples.  Formula is fine, but advice that helps you keep nursing is even better.  You CAN do it.  It’s just hard at first.
• Buy a boxes of unscented maxi pads before you go into labor.  No one tells you you’re going to have a heavy period for 6 weeks after the baby is born and you can’t wear tampons.  Use unscented.  Trust me.  You’ll thank me later.  Use the big ice pack ones they send you home from the hospital with while you’re still sore.  But, you’ll run out and be with 8 extended family members who came to see the baby and you be all like, “Ah!  Someone go to the store!”
• Get your FMLA and maternity leave stuff lined up.  I was in a panic because we got a new HR rep at my old job when I was 8.5 months pregnant.  Fortunately, I got some of the necessary paperwork earlier.  MAKE SURE you know how much time you’re taking off and what’s paid and what’s unpaid.  My husband and my daughter were on my insurance so right after she came home from the hospital I had to get on the phone and make sure she was covered.
• Fill out paperwork for the cord blood banking now.  I totally didn’t and have no cord blood saved.  Not the end of the world, but it would be nice to have.
• Take everything from the bassinet at the hospital.  Diapers, wipes, everything.  It’s yours.  You paid for it with insurance.  Ask for two bulb syringes and two squirt bottles.  Get the nurse to grab you extra ice pack pads and that numbing spray to take home too.
• It’s okay to cry a lot.  You will.  You’ll cry at every freakin’ commercial with a baby, or when your mom leaves after staying with you that first week.  You’ll suddenly be afraid that EVERYTHING will harm the baby.  Ugh.  It’s a little rough sometimes.  You’ll get it together, but you cry a lot in the first few weeks.
• This is awesome.  It’s great.  Not all the time.  Sometimes it’s really hard, but it’s also amazing.

Phew!  That’s all I got today.  I may have to do a Part 2 of one of these posts.  Okay, other moms, what did I miss?  What did you wish you had known?

Pin it!  You know you want to!

When the doctor broke my water to start labor, (Yea!  That’s right!  I was induced, okay!  I’ve heard the criticism.)  little did I know that would just be the start of the wave of fluids to leave my body for not just the next six hours, but the next six weeks.

The worst was in the hospital when I couldn’t go.  I kept apologizing to the nurses who had to catheterize me.  I filled a two liter container.  No, I’m not exaggerating.

As if meconium laced newborn diapers weren’t gross enough, no one  tells you about all the postpartum leaking, seeping, and general weeping.  I’m here today to share more about post-baby bodily fluids.  You’re welcome!

• Sweat– The first two weeks after Charlotte was born I would wake up in drenched sheets with wet strands of hair.  I would apologize to Greyson for all the saline in the bed.
• Urine– I had to go all the time.  It was always an ordeal, you know, with the stitches and such.
• Colostrum–  The very first bit of breast milk you have.  The first time I fed Charlotte in the Delivery Room I was shocked to find it there!  I remember saying, “Oh my God!  There’s milk in there!”
• Breast milk–  The next few days after Charlotte was born my mom kept asking me, “Has your milk come in yet?”  I would reply, “I dunno.”  She would say, “Oh!  You’ll know.”  Boom!  Little did I know, when the dairy opened, I would be in business for a full year.  My cups runneth over. I swear sometimes I thought I had enough milk for two babies.  I never had to buy formula.  That was awesome.  I have to say, I really miss calorie burn of lactating.  Now, I have to run instead of sit on the couch with the breast pump.  Boo!
• Lochia–  That’s a fancypants Latin word for “six weeks of heavy period”.  Oh, and no tampons.  Only pads.  I had horrific flashbacks to 7th grade.
• Tears–  I’m not a cryer by nature.  I mean, I’m not cold hearted.  I shed a few reading The Notebook and watching Mr. Holland’s Opus.  But, it was nothing compared to other women (::ahem:: my sister) who sobbed during Titanic.  (“I’ll never let go, Jack!”) Something happened when the hormones started dropping.  I came home and saw flowers from friends and coworkers and could stop crying about it.  This Chevy commercial  came out the week we brought her home.  It killed me!  I would just look at Greyson and say, “What has happened to me?!”

Even with all that dampness I look back on those first days affectionately.  There was nothing like it.  You just have to wade through.

November 4, 2010. The day we brought her home. I was nervous, puffy, swollen, but happy.

Our sweet baby slept through the night at like, 3 weeks old.  No seriously.  She took to breastfeeding right away and had no nipple confusion between breast and bottle.  Her teeth came in with minimal disruption.  Through most of her first year of life she has been an absolute delight, a very good baby.

I feel guilty writing all that.  I promise I’m not bragging (much).

Wait!  Don’t hate me yet.  We’ve seen some changes in her lately.

This weekend she refused to put on her coat.  When we tried to bundle her up, she thrashed around and threw herself down in a demonstration that would’ve stopped the NYPD cold if she were an Occupy Wall Street protester.

When we got to the park she took a ball from another kid and acted like we cut off her finger when we took it away from her.

I worked to “clean” her room and organize all her clothes.  I let her “play”.  This is what happened in 15 minutes…

She was hungry so we fed her.  We placed the food on the tray in front of her and she knocked it all on the ground before screaming and glaring at us like we had poisoned it.

WHO IS THIS PERSON WHO HAS KIDNAPPED OUR BABY?!

Oh…a toddler.

I have to say though, she seems to be getting funnier all the time.  We laugh every time she says, “Uh oh!” when dropping something.  We scoop her up and smother her with kisses when she paddy-cakes or points to the dog and says “woof woof”.

Her hair is getting longer and we can do things like this in the bathtub….

Maybe the cuteness and hilarity of toddlerhood will help me get over the loss of my kidnapped baby.

I know what you’re thinking, “Oh God, Amy!  Didn’t you promise not to write about your lady parts on the Internet?!”  I did.  This isn’t about them, so get over it.  Plus, that promise was during pregnancy.  Now that I’ve actually had a baby, much of my former modesty has gone out the window.  So here goes a post along similar lines…

Don’t let these “organics” fool you.  I’m not this cool, nor this green.  I just happened to be at Trader Joes and this is all they have.