Recently I squealed and hugged my way through an intimate crowd of old friends at a baby shower. I’ve known the mom-to-be since she and my sister were babies. I had my 11-month-old in tow. I was so excited to see my sister and nephew, who came to town for the affair. My nephew is 8 1/2 months old.  My mom was happy to have her two baby grandsons crawling at everyone’s feet.

Well, my son was at everyone’s feet. He was at their feet, playing with their shoes, on their purses, reaching for their cell phones, pulling up on their chairs and generally causing a ruckus, albeit an adorable ruckus. Most at the shower didn’t seem to mind him. My mom could help me  by holding him or entertaining him while I ate or played the shower games.

My nephew mostly sat pleasantly with my sister. He laid quietly next to her smiling. Yes, he can crawl too. He can also pull up. He’s about the same size as my son. But, he sat and mine squirmed.

My mom and her friend heard me quip to my son, “Hey, you see how your cousin is just sitting there? Why can’t you be like that?” My mom said, “Amy! You shouldn’t say that and compare them like that!” Her friend agreed. I felt my face get hot. I held my little guy tight against my flushed cheek. I whispered, “Sorry buddy.”

On the way home from the shower I had an epic crisis of conscience. How could I have done that to my baby?! Just because the cousins are close in age, it doesn’t mean they need to be compared. They are individuals. I need to watch the comments I make, even in jest. I need to talk to my sister about guidelines for how we will treat the boys equally but as individuals. I drafted a heartfelt blog post in my head as I drove.

I got home and told my husband what happened. I explained my intense shame and how I was damaging my son’s psyche. He said, “Are you kidding me?! Please! Amy, the amount of time you have spent worrying about this is too much. They are babies! He will never remember you said that.” True it’s not like we’re going to line them up and have them crawl race at family gatherings.  He laughed and hugged me. “Seriously. It was a complement to your sister on how sweet her baby is. Don’t sweat it.”

Here’s the thing. They’re both right. I need to watch what I say to my children. I need to understand that jokes and off-the-cuff comments can hurt. But, I also do NOT need to have guilt ridden meltdowns for every parenting faux pas I commit. Let’s face it, I know I will say or do something insanely insensitive and stupid again. Then I will write about it on the Internet.

In all seriousness, how do families quell comparisons between children close in age? Cousins, siblings, or even good friends with kids the same age. It’s very natural to compare. How do you either avoid it, or compare with compassion if that’s possible? 

I had another mother ask me if I make my own baby food. I’d really love to say I’m the kind of mother who lovingly purees organic vegetables for my baby, but I’m not. I buy the jars. My hat is off to all of you mamas out there smashing  sweet potatoes and blending peas. I just feel like there are a lot of good options in the stores, so I don’t bother.

Our pediatrician made a big deal about giving Henry only breast milk until he was 6 months-old. I feel like she made a bigger deal about that now than she did when Charlotte was a baby. I gave Charlotte rice cereal at about 5 months or so because someone told me it would help her sleep when she had like, that one night that she wouldn’t sleep well. Ha! If I only knew what I was in for with my second child and sleeping. I didn’t mind waiting until Henry was 6 months to introduce solids to keep his diapers filled with innocent breast milk poop for a little longer.

When Beech Nut reached out to me last month about sampling some of their new line of baby food, I was all like, “Yea! Perfect timing!”

Our pediatrician made a list of baby foods in the order she prefers you introduce them to your baby. This is her list:

1. Rice cereal
2. Yellow vegetables like squash (I can’t really think of other yellow vegetables suitable for baby foods, but whatever.)
3. Green vegetables like peas and green beans
4. Orange vegetables like carrots and sweet potatoes
5. Meats
6. Fruits

Obviously this would all be pureed food. Our doctor suggested introducing them slowly over multiple weeks. Now that Henry is 7 months, he’s at #5 on the list and had some pureed meat. She said she likes to introduce fruit last so they don’t get used to the sweetness and then not eat their veggies. Makes sense. Plus, some kids have allergies to fruits.

Beech Nut’s thing is that their food is not baby food, but “real food for babies.” Full disclosure, I tried it. It was pretty tasty. They sent Henry a sample of four of their new flavors of their Real Food For Babies,  just carrots,  just spinach, zucchini & peas, beets, pear & pomegranate and just honeycrisp apple. I have to hide the jar of apples from his big sister the applesauce fiend. Again, I have not introduced fruits, yet. He has only had the fruit in the beets blend. He loved all the other flavors he received. He doesn’t like his food to be runny. Other brands have been a little soupy for his liking. Not these.  They have a nice texture. Here’s something cool about Beech Nut. They don’t cook most of their new line and if they do, they gently cook it with indirect heat. Many of the Real Food For Babies flavors are created from a puree of raw vegetables and fruits.

I want to know a few things. Did your doctor give you different advice or tell you the same thing? How did you introduce solids to your little one? Do you mix breast milk or formula with your baby’s food? I sometimes do that if he’s not taking it well. How old was your baby when you started baby food? How old for finger foods?

Who wants some free samples of Beech Nut’s new line of baby food?! They come in beautiful boxes suitable for adding to a baby gift for a new mama or mom-to-be. If you just want your baby to try some great food, try to win! I’ll pick two winners on Friday. There are only four quick things you have to do. Super easy! Easier than making your own baby food, that’s for sure. Good luck!

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Disclaimer: Beech Nut sent me samples and is offering free samples for my readers. My opinions are free and honest.

Oh! Hello little blog! I have missed you SO MUCH this week. I’ve just been so insane in the last couple of weeks. I’ve been busy at work, a full blown third trimester insomniac and generally moody bitch.  So, maybe it’s good you haven’t been hearing from me.

I have to tell you about today, however. Today my coworkers threw me a baby shower, a sprinkle if you will. It was wonderful and kind and  helped bring me back from the hyper work-focused, mopey haze I’ve been in lately. They invited Greyson, donated to the March of Dimes in honor of our baby and gave me the first thing that is just for Baby 2.0. Take a look at this tribute to my Harry Potter fanaticism. Do they know me or what?

I almost started crying when I saw my cake. This is where I love to be. I’m the author of Somebody’s Parents and I work with some really cool people who unknowingly give me a nudge back in the right direction. Expect more writing here. Mischief managed.

This weekend I went to the baby shower of a first-time mom.  Amber is a girl I grew up with and one of my sister’s best friends.  (See picture below. That’s Amber.) Julie is my little sister, but Kristen and Amber made up their gruesome threesome.  I feel like the other two are sort of “little sisters” too.

Amber had a mountain of gifts, thoughtfully wrapped and checked off her registry.  Many other young mothers, me included, talked about different gifts.  You know, how no Americans knew who Sophie was 5 years ago, unless you had a baby in the last 5 years.  Now like, OMG everyone’s baby LOVES them!

I sat there with my two-year-old but I found my mind running.  I wanted to shout out, “Oooh!  Let me tell you how to best use that!” or “I used that this one time when…”  I chatted with the mom-to-be about childcare and other things, but I wanted to say more.  I found myself bubbling up with advice that I had to consciously bottle up at the shower.  I didn’t want to be like, “I know it all because a person came out of my birth canal and I kept it alive for two years!”  No one likes that woman.  Then I thought, “Oh that’s right.  I have a blog.  I can write whatever I want to there.”

So here it is.  For all the Amber’s out there with your big bellies and glowing faces. My advice.  Take it or leave it.  I give it with love.

• Get a really good breast pump.  DO NOT cheap out on a breast pump.   It pays for itself as much as you use it.  Oh!  It pays for itself anyway.  For working mothers, breast pumps are now tax deductible.  Go ahead and warn your husband they are like $300.  But, save the receipt!  Again, TAX DEDUCTIBLE!  I did not rent one from the hospital because of this.  I had the Medela one that looks like a purse.  It was great.
• Get a hands-free pumping bra.  Looks hilarious, but extremely handy.  You’re welcome Bessie, now hook on up to that there pump and get yourself milked!  That’s  a good girl!
• Get on a waiting list for a day-care NOW!  If you’re not already on one by your baby shower, you may be screwed.  Sorry.  It’s true.  We were on five and only one could take us when I needed to go back to work.  Oh, it’s $150 to just get your name on the list at each one.  No, it’s not refundable.
• Wrap up those Dr. Brown’s bottles and take them back to the store.  They are a gigantic pain in the ass.  You will spend the next year of your life with a tiny bristle brush washing those stupid parts.  I’m not convinced they are any better than any other bottle and now I will have to use them for the next kid because I have about 25 of the damn things.
• Take the Brest Friend pillow to the hospital.  For me, it is the greatest breastfeeding invention of all time.  When I was shopping for Amber I saw the new Born Free pillow and got very excited.  It looks really great too and may have some features the Brest Friend pillow doesn’t have.
• You may have to buy more than one nursing pillow.  I had a Boppy at the hospital.  A friend brought me a Brest Friend.  Boom!  That worked.  Find the one that works.  For me, the Brest Friend worked when she was little, but the Boppy was better when she was older.  Like I said, the Born Free looks phenomenal.  You’ll have to adjust as you get more comfortable with nursing and your baby grows.
• Find a pediatrician.  We toured ours before the baby was born.  I didn’t know it, but having a lactation consultant at the pediatrician’s office was WONDERFUL for those newborn visits. Yep, I whipped out my boobs for the nurse at the peds office.  I needed advice and I knew she could give it.  Be weary of peds offices that don’t have them and be weary of peds offices that pump out formula samples.  Formula is fine, but advice that helps you keep nursing is even better.  You CAN do it.  It’s just hard at first.
• Buy a boxes of unscented maxi pads before you go into labor.  No one tells you you’re going to have a heavy period for 6 weeks after the baby is born and you can’t wear tampons.  Use unscented.  Trust me.  You’ll thank me later.  Use the big ice pack ones they send you home from the hospital with while you’re still sore.  But, you’ll run out and be with 8 extended family members who came to see the baby and you be all like, “Ah!  Someone go to the store!”
• Get your FMLA and maternity leave stuff lined up.  I was in a panic because we got a new HR rep at my old job when I was 8.5 months pregnant.  Fortunately, I got some of the necessary paperwork earlier.  MAKE SURE you know how much time you’re taking off and what’s paid and what’s unpaid.  My husband and my daughter were on my insurance so right after she came home from the hospital I had to get on the phone and make sure she was covered.
• Fill out paperwork for the cord blood banking now.  I totally didn’t and have no cord blood saved.  Not the end of the world, but it would be nice to have.
• Take everything from the bassinet at the hospital.  Diapers, wipes, everything.  It’s yours.  You paid for it with insurance.  Ask for two bulb syringes and two squirt bottles.  Get the nurse to grab you extra ice pack pads and that numbing spray to take home too.
• It’s okay to cry a lot.  You will.  You’ll cry at every freakin’ commercial with a baby, or when your mom leaves after staying with you that first week.  You’ll suddenly be afraid that EVERYTHING will harm the baby.  Ugh.  It’s a little rough sometimes.  You’ll get it together, but you cry a lot in the first few weeks.
• This is awesome.  It’s great.  Not all the time.  Sometimes it’s really hard, but it’s also amazing.

Phew!  That’s all I got today.  I may have to do a Part 2 of one of these posts.  Okay, other moms, what did I miss?  What did you wish you had known?

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