As a teenager I would stand at my bedroom mirror with a copy of Seventeen magazine propped up so I could see step-by-step how to style my hair with one of their umpteen “Get Gorgeous” or “Hot Hair” tutorials. I’m not sure why I remember one issue in particular.  Maybe it’s because  I spent a great deal of time modeling my ‘do after a model’s in that issue.  Alicia Silverstone was on the cover.

Ah!  There it is.  Thanks Google.

July, 1995.  That would have been a month before my 14th birthday and two months before I started high school.  I bet I had watched reruns of MTV Spring Break that day.  I wonder if I logged on to my America Online account that morning before ballet class?  Probably.  I no doubt took magazine quizzes to find out my dating style, even though I had never been on an actual date.  Basically, I was at the height of my adolescent insecurity and unknowingly headed straight for full-on teen angst and a diagnosed eating disorder in another year-and-a-half.

I think I remember trying for something new that summer.  I was headed for a new school, high school, so obviously a new hairstyle was in order.  No matter how many times I pulled my turquoise and magenta paddle brush through my hair, I couldn’t get it just right.  I would frown and say something to my reflection like, “Ugh!  I hate my hair!”  I slammed the magazine shut and stared at Alicia Silverstone in all her mid-nineties coolness.

Whenever the issue of beauty magazines and women’s body image comes up, I think of that issue of Seventeen.

Fast-forward 17 years to the other night.  I went through the Health and Fitness part of Pinterest to get some inspiration for working out and shedding a few holiday pounds.  Later, I stood at the bathroom mirror with my iPad propped against the mirror, trying to do my hair like a woman in a Pinterest hair tutorial.  I stared at my 31-year-old reflection, getting further frustrated that I suck at elegant loose fishtail braids.  Instantly Alicia Silverstone popped in my mind.  I looked at myself and shook my head loose of my attempted braid.

I thought of my two-year-old daughter and my pledge to not obsess over weight and appearance.  Yeah, I weigh more now than I ever have now that I have a desk job, but I’m healthy.  My husband and I  decided awhile ago not to describe people as “fat”, “skinny”, “chunky”, or “chubby” around our daughter there’s really no reason for it.

Just then she came in.  She was giggling and proudly showing me her full belly after dinner.  I closed my Pinterest app and scooped her up.  I said to her.  “Charlotte, you are so beautiful!  You have a beautiful, strong, healthy body.  Do you love your body?”  She smiled and said, “Ya! Lob my bodee!”  I smiled and instantly dismissed all the negative things I think about my appearance.  Whether it was 1995 Seventeen magazine or 2013 Pinterest, it seemed silly and I scaled back my weight loss resolutions.  I said “Mama loves her body too!”

Is that Garth Brooks song in your head yet?  Sorry.  It just came to me since, you know, the world could end tomorrow.

Of course I jest.  I don’t really think the apocalypse is tomorrow.  I mean, Jesus wouldn’t let the end of times come so close to his birthday, right?

If it does end it’s okay, I’ve had a pretty good run.  I got to thinking about all the cool stuff I always wanted to do and have done already.  I’m going chronologically here.  Here’s a list of the things I’ve done that I really wanted to accomplish from childhood onward:

• Figured out Santa Claus
• Did a split
• Made it through Middle School & High School without braces
• Went to prom (This was one of Beth Anne’s goal too, so I don’t feel as dumb saying this was a life goal of mine at one point. Actually, this whole post was inspired by her.)
• Lost my virginity (Not on the same night)
• Danced a solo en pointe
• Went to the top of the Eiffel Tower
• Defeated an eating disorder
• Rode on a convertable when I was on the homecoming court
• Went to college
• Went to Spring Break
• Saw my sister initiated into our sorority
• Spent New Year’s Eve in Times Square (It sucks.  Don’t do it.)
• Got a degree
• Bought a new car and paid it off myself
• Had a dog that truly loved me and I loved back (Long story. I wasn’t really an animal person for a long time. The dogs always loved my sister best.)
• Highlighted my hair
• Fell in love with an amazing man
• Got engaged
• Planned a kick-ass wedding
• Got married
• Read the entire Harry Potter series- twice
• Went skydiving
• Was Matron of Honor at my sister’s wedding
• Became a TV news reporter
• Anchored newscasts
• Got pregnant
• Had a baby
• Became a mother
• Laughed until my stomach hurt

Here’s the thing.  There is still SO MUCH that I want to do.  If we’re all still here tomorrow, this is the stuff I still want to do.  This is not chronological.

• Have another baby
• Start vlogging on Somebody’s Parents
• Get a blog facelift/makeover
• Go to the Harry Potter theme park
• See Madonna perform live (Yes, I know she’s on tour and I missed it.  I’m not happy about it.)
• See my sister become a mother
• Become a published author
• Run a 5k race (Not a walk/fun run like I did at BlogHer ’12, an actual timed race.)
• Write for other websites/blogs
• Climb a volcano
• Go to the Great Wall of China
• Live abroad
• Send my children to college
• Learn to play the “Peanuts” song on the piano
• See my children get married
• Go back to Costa Rica with Greyson
• Cut my hair short
• Wear a bikini after age 40
• Take surfing lessons
• Adopt a dog and name it after a Harry Potter character
• Read Charlotte’s Web with my daughter
• Read Harry Potter with my daughter
• Raise a ton of money for charity
• See my children accomplish their life goals
• Go to my 2-year-old’s class Christmas party tomorrow.

We got Charlotte all excited for a birthday party Saturday morning. I explained how the toy truck was not for her as I put it in the gift bag. (I only wrap at Christmas. Don’t judge.) Greyson was all like, “Who’s party is this again?”

I explained it was for Harrison. He is the darling, toe-headed 3-year-old of my dear friend Beth Anne. She is my sorority sister and Internet maven. I was all like, “You know, Beth Anne. Her husband went to school with us too.” He said, “Oh, are they cool?” I was all like, “Um, yeah. I told you she is one of my sisters. We were the best chapter on campus, so yeah. I’d say they’re cool.” He reminded me that I am a 31 year-old mother and really need to let the sorority days go. (Never!)

I dolled up Charlotte in a little fall frock and off we went. We were about 20 minutes late. I figure it was cool to be fashionably late to a party. I was all like, “Charlotte, can you say ‘Happy Birthday Harry!’?” She giggled.

I rang the bell and Beth Anne stared at me like I had five heads. She was all like, this.

Beth Anne and I doubled over in giggles at my stupidity. The party is next Saturday. Greyson was all like, “Seriously, Amy?” My mistake meant I got to hug my friend and get a sneak peek of her new house.

Charlotte was all like, “I want cake!” I was all like, “Yeah, too bad. We’re gonna go get flu shots and vote early.”

In the car Greyson was all like, “She’s cool. I like her.” I was all like, “I told you.”

No surprise. I got the date at our Early Voting precinct wrong too. Guess when it opens? Yep. Next Saturday.

The family flu shots were somewhat successful. I was all like, “I want to try the new type of flu shot with the 90% smaller needle that hurts less! Oh! It’s covered by our insurance!” Greyson and I got the new shot and Charlotte got the standard pediatric dose. We tried to be brave in front of our toddler but both of us were all like, “Ugh! Hurts less, my ass!” Our arms are still red two days later.

About as red as Greyson’s face standing on Beth Anne’s steps.

This is the note we got on Charlotte’s “Toddler Daily Report” sheet from school one day last week.  I stifled my laughs as I read it out loud in my most concerned parent voice.  “Charlotte wasn’t using her listening ears today.” It was her first discipline note.  I had forgotten all about the elementary term “listening ears.”  The teacher heard me reading the note.  She turned to Charlotte and said, “Did you leave your listening ears at home today?”

I wanted to say, “Oh, no.  She doesn’t use them there either.  Actually, do you know where I could pick up an extra pair?”

The discipline they use at her school cracks me up.  The teachers say stuff like, “Make better choices!”  Choices?  They’re not even 2 years-old.  They have no choices.  I’m not sure if they have classroom time-out.  I’ll have to look into that since it looks like my kid may end up there soon.

When it comes to toddler behavior, I’d say my daughter is pretty normal.  90% of the time she is amazing!  Charlotte is smiley, sweet, funny, and all around charming.  She is a good eater, a good sleeper, and doesn’t have crazy separation anxiety or anything.  I’m proud to say she is a good kid.

9% of the time, she is in constant disagreement with someone.  Mama, Daddy, Ginger (Yes, she has disagreements with the dog.) or one of her little friends.  She’s not terrible, just not entirely pleasant.  Whining and brief tantrums will ensue.  She will often not do what she is told.  During these times we know she is either hungry or tired.

A dreaded 1% of the time I’m convinced her little pigtails must be hiding her horns.  These are the moments she falls on the floor wailing.  She cannot be consoled as she thrashes around in our arms shouting “No!”  A few times she has lashed out with a hit.  This is, of course, is unacceptable and results in time-out.

So here is my question.  Is timeout good enough?  I feel like she does calm down when put her in the little corner of our house designated for punishment.  Greyson and I stand over her and watch her for 1-2 minutes before we crouch down and talk about what she did.  Then we ask her to say she’s sorry, give her a hug, and tell her we love her.

During the “1% times” Greyson has asked me about spanking.  He was no stranger to spankings as a rambunctious little boy with a mom who had a device known as the “Super Spoon.”  I can count on one hand the times I was actually spanked as a child.  Let me tell you, I deserved it each time.

This recent study on spanking leads you to believe our babies will grow up to be smack addicted ax murderers if we lift a hand to them.  I don’t like spanking because I don’t think hitting should be the way you teach a child not to hit.  I also don’t like the thought of ever physically harming my child in any way.  Maybe there is truth to the whole “this hurts you more than it hurts me” thing.

Were you spanked?  Are you spanking your child?  What methods of punishment are you using?  Are they effective?

Oh, by-the-way, I took Charlotte to the doctor today.  She has a double ear infection.  Maybe she had listening ears all along, they were just infected.

This weekend our friends Erin and Billy came to Raleigh to visit.  They moved to Charlotte about six months ago.  It has confused their 3 1/2 year-old son that he now lives in the city of Charlotte and that is different from his little friend.  When Will walked in the door, I couldn’t believe the tall, lean, little boy he had become.  Will always called our daughter “Baby Charlotte.”  He obviously couldn’t call her that now.  He looked at the toddler before him in slight disbelief before the two took off to play.  I got to snuggle their newborn son, Nate.  It was a great time.

Erin and I are lifelong friends.  Kindergarten was when we began our storied friendship.  I’m sort of in love with these pictures I snapped of Charlotte and Will together.  When I look at them I see their mothers.  The young friends we were are echoed in the faces of our babies.

I hope your Labor Day was this happy.