As parents we become enamored with our little babies.  Raising a baby is full of snuggles, feedings, rocking, and swaddling.  I look back on the days of Charlotte’s infancy and I get all squishy inside.  Yes there is poop and sleepless nights but it’s a perfect, sweet little one!  Right?!

Today I realized I’m raising a person.

Don’t get me wrong I was fully aware that it was a human baby I birthed 17  months ago, but something she did today made me realize she’s a PERSON.  A flawed human being.

I went to pick her up from the Waddler class today and she didn’t greet me with her usual enthusiasm.  Well, I thought, “That’s okay.  My mama-ego isn’t THAT fragile.”  (Yes it is.)  I sat on the floor at her level.  Some of her classmates toddled up to me, enthralled with my beaded necklace.  Charlotte’s good friend gave me sweet smiles, sat in my lap and cooed at every bead.  Charlotte did not like this.  It happened very fast.  She marched over to that little girl and gave her a swipe before turning on me with a swat.

::GASP::

I blurted, “CHARLOTTE!  No ma’m!  That is not nice!”  I looked at the teacher who seemed equally shocked.  (Good, it seems that’s not common.)  I turned to check out the other little girl and she was smiling and obviously not phased.  Her swipe didn’t hurt me either.  I  said, “Charlotte we do not hit our friends and you do not hit Mama!  It’s okay for another kid to sit with your Mama.”

She felt jealousy and anger like a real person.  Suddenly it became a daunting task to be the person raising and molding this little human.  I went on to stress how she should say she was sorry to her friend, but the toddler mind moves quickly and she started playing with my necklace.  I guess we’ll get to shame and empathy when she has another “human moment”.  When can we start Time-Out?  I have no idea.

::SIGH::

Raising a toddler is full of  messy dinners, squrimy baths, repeat book readings, and Elmo snuggles.  Tonight I got all squishy inside thinking about my girl.  Yes there are tantrums and food throwing, but she’s my perfect, sweet little one.  Right!?

This was us seven years ago tonight…

April 23, 2005 my groom dipped me while we danced.  We fed each other cake after rambling, tearful toasts.  My grandma said the music was too loud and my friends drank too much.  A bridesmaid may or may not have made out with the bartender.  I stand by the cliche that it was one of the “happiest days of my life.”

I’m using the occasion of our wedding anniversary to speak out about an issue I feel very strongly about.  Two weeks from tomorrow North Carolinians will go to the polls to vote for or against Amendment One.  Same Sex Marriage is already illegal in my home state.  This amendment would define marriage in the state constitution as a union between one man and one woman, and would ban any other type of “domestic legal union” such as civil unions and domestic partnerships.

I really  have no reason to be against Amendment 1.  I’m straight.  I had the privilege of marrying whomever I chose.  Actually I’ve been pretty lucky when it comes to discrimination.  Let’s face it.  I’m an able-bodied, middle-class, educated, straight, white woman.  I think all women have felt the pangs of discrimination somewhat, even white women.  But, I’ll never know what it’s like to be discriminated against based on my race or sexual preference.  So why should it matter to me if this Amendment gets put into the State Constitution?

It matters because it’s wrong.

If the people of North Carolina vote for Amendment One it would ban domestic partnership benefits including health care for public employees and children receiving domestic partner benefits.  I honestly don’t understand why anyone would be against gay marriage anyway.   It in no way threatens my straight marriage.  If someone told me I didn’t have the right to marry Greyson I would fight until I did.

Worst of all, this Amendment hurts someone I love.  It pains me to think that he already can’t marry the person he loves and our home state would never recognize any union he chose to enter in to.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”  This is the Civil Rights issue of our generation.  Gen X and Gen Y in North Carolina, I plead with you to educate yourself about Amendment One.

Charlotte loves her crayons from the Easter Bunny.  She squealed and  I thought she might explode when I pulled them out along with her Elmo coloring book yesterday.

I ignored Crayola’s “age 24 months and up” warning on the box because I assumed my kid must be an artistic prodigy and these crayons would somehow awake the creative beast within.

She grabbed one out of the box and happily scribbled Elmo’s face a brilliant, albeit incorrect, turquoise.  This was short lived.  I had started showing her how to color Elmo’s fur red when I looked and she was happily gnawing on the Blue/Green crayon.  She grinned as I scooped wax bits out of her mouth.  When I took away the Blue/Green that little bugger had the Blue/Violet in the other hand!  Before I could stop her she snapped off the end of that one with a look like, “Ha, ha, Mama!”  Bits of purple wax covered her teeth.

After rinsing her mouth I had forgotten all about this until about 10:000am today.

It smelled like any other dirty diaper, but OH MY GOD!  I thought, “When did she eat the remanents of a blue-green-purple Play-Doh experiment gone wrong?!”  I made Greyson come look at what our creative beast had produced.

August was the start of my 30th year.  On my birthday I woke up and walked the beach quietly, ready to start a new decade of my life.  Later that morning Greyson and I  bought cinnamon buns from a local bakery.  That day we laid in the sand and played with our baby.

Ahhh!  Hello 30!

A decision I made yesterday will mean the start of 31 will be completely different.  I signed up for the BlogHer ’12 5K on the morning of my birthday this year.

Now let me be clear.  For most of my life I would only ever run if someone were chasing me.  I hate to run.  It’s boring to me.  I would rather go to the dentist than run.  I would pick cleaning the house over jogging.  I would do math before I…okay wait, never mind.

Maybe it’s because I’m on this big life improvement kick, but for some reason the other day I told Greyson I was going to go for a run.  He looked up at me and said with surprise, “Really?  Okay!”  I gotta tell you.  It felt good.

Maybe it’s the new breath of life I’ve felt since starting a new job, but I’m psyched for a lot of things.  I signed up to go to BlogHer ’12.  It’s one of the world’s biggest blogging conferences and I’m taking myself and my little blog to New York City to learn from the best.  It’s silly, but I feel like the conference is just a little extra special for me.  IT’S DURING MY BIRTHDAY!  I know turning 31 really isn’t that big of a deal, but this trip is a big deal for me.  I get to go on a big adventure in the big city.  It’s the first birthday I’ve ever spent away from family and friends.  I will miss them, but I want to stretch and grow my abilities to write and reach people.

This also means I will need to stretch and grow my physical fitness before running in this race.  Oh, did I forget to mention it starts at 6:30am?  Yeah, I bet about 2 miles into my birthday run I’ll be longing for the cinnamon roll of the year before.  Aw!  Listen to me!  Choosing the discipline of running over the indulgence of baked goods…someone is becoming a grown up!