It seems stupid, but lately it has amazed me that there are the exact same number of seconds in each day. Time is so relative, so precious. The evidence is right here on my blog. My life has been so busy that this space has been neglected in recent weeks after I saved it from near death.

Some days I collapse in the bed with knots in my back, knowing I can’t get everything done I need to do in 24 hours. Work, house, parenting, being a spouse, being a friend and writing a blog. It never gets all done.

The relevance of time was never so apparent to me than when I was recently talking to a stay-at-home mom who’s child will start kindergarten in a few months. We were discussing the start of school and where her child would be attending. She said, “It is just SUCH a long day for them!” (meaning the kids)

::blink::

I just stared at her.

Huh? Long day? I nervously laughed an said, “Um, yeah. Sometimes Charlotte gets to daycare at 7:15am or 7:30am and I can’t pick her up until almost 6:00pm.” My voice was filled with guilt mixed with bitterness toward her comment. Both of which were uncalled for. She meant nothing by her comment. It was my own insecurities coming out.

This was the class sign in sheet one day this week:

A few days before I was driving by an elementary school on my way to a client meeting. It was about 3:00pm when school let out. I thought about the future, “God, what are my kids going to do after school until we’re done with work? That’s a long time.”  See, time is relative.

It’s hard working and parenting. It’s also hard being with a little one all day. That’s not news to anyone. Her comment just caught me off guard. She went on to talk about how she needed some “down time” from her responsibilities at home.

Huh? I guess I think of my “down time” as the few hours I get to bathe, feed and play with my child. Then I get to sneak in some husband time and personal time.

Here’s the thing. I don’t know which one is better, working or being at home. It’s all about time. I just hope we all get the precious time we need.

Sometimes it can be a little irritating as a parent to simply be known as “mom” or “dad.”  You do lose a bit of your identity in parenthood.  There is no denying that, especially at daycare or preschool.  My daughter’s classmates know me as “Charlotte’s Mommy.”  It’s cool, though.  I understand.  There are lots of mommies and daddies rushing in and out of that place.

I definitely know the names of Charlotte’s friends’ parents and use them.  When Charlotte is speaking with them, we at least try to use their first names.  “Ms. Jane” or “Mr. Bill” seem to be acceptable for most of them.  Besides, I’ve learned two-year-olds are not great at understanding the concept, let alone pronouncing surnames.

Sometimes I just end up being “Charlotte’s Mom” and I can live with that.  It’s not a huge deal.

Today, some parents made it a huge deal.  The school keeps a basket of crackers at the front desk for the children to snack on and whine about when leaving.  The mother of a child in the class behind Charlotte was holding the basket down for her child and Charlotte walked up.  The father was standing beside them.  She held the basket out to Charlotte.

Me to Charlotte: “Can you say ‘thank you’ to Sally’s Mommy?”

Charlotte said “thank you” and the parents sort of scoffed at me.  Then I couldn’t make up what happened next if I tried.

www.etonline.com

The dad started singing the Cheers theme song.  Yes, Cheers, as in Sam, Diane, Norm and Cliff.  Cheers.  He broke out into song with, “Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.”  The way they looked at me I assumed it was because I didn’t use their names.  Why else would this  guy sing this?  Are you kidding me?!  Your kid isn’t even in my kid’s class!  I think it’s pretty impressive that I know your child’s name, let alone yours.  I ushered Charlotte out the door, quickly.

Sir, I suppose you think you’re a clever cool hipster who’s able to recall 1980’s television show references at a moment’s notice.  But, please know EVERYONE knows that song and you’re not that clever.

I can’t decide what I’ll call them the next time I see them.  But, let me be clear when I say if he EVER irreverently references the phenomenal television legacy that is Cheers, I will go off!  Let’s face it.  “Making your way in the world today takes everything you got.”

Back in the day when we were kids, I think  “daycare” was somehow a bad word.  It was sort of like “Oh!  You go to DAYCARE?!  Your mom has to work?!  Are you poor?”    I thought of daycare as a place where a woman in curlers and a bathrobe kept kids fenced in her front yard with rusty old playground equipment while she went through a pack of Salem Lights.  That was before she took the dirty children inside to watch “The Young and the Restless.”   This of course, is my misguided perception.  I’m sure there were many quality daycare centers 30 years ago.

Now it’s like,  “Where do your kids go to daycare?  Oh, really?  They don’t?  Well they won’t be ready for kindergarten if you don’t start newborn baby curriculum!  We’re at Yuppie & Hipster Montessori.  We pay twice our mortgage payment every month to send the kids there, but it was important for us to have Jasper and Kinsley in a full-time Mandarin immersion program.”

I had a babysitter during the day when I was little, then my mom stayed home when my little sister was born.  Mom went back to her career when my sister went to kindergarten.

I’ve had some readers and friends ask me recently about how I found Charlotte’s daycare and why we go there.  The short answer?  That’s where we were able to get in when I had to go back to work after maternity leave.  We like her school.  I’m really glad she’s there.  It was a great decision for us.

Waiting Lists– In a previous post about giving advice to pregnant women, I mentioned you have to get on the waiting list at a daycare, pronto!  Like, in your second trimester.  We were on the waiting lists at five different schools.  It was $150 fee to get on the waiting list.  You can kiss that money good-bye.  You don’t get it back.  I toured each of these and got absolutely no guarantee from any of them that she was in until after she was born.  Quality infant classes are tough to get into.

Stars- In North Carolina there is a Star Rated License program.  I’m sure many states have similar licensing programs.  To me, it seems like sort of a crock.  Why?  It’s just really confusing, first of all.  Secondly, you get one star if you meet state standards.  So, any other stars are ones the schools apply for.  Huh?  I have friends who sent their kids to a “Five Star” facility and were very unhappy when they discovered some unsanitary practices being covered up.  They said they were fooled by the shiny, pretty new building.  Also, your school could meet state requirements with one star, but then have a bunch of other accredidations instead of the stars.  You just have to check into it.

Don’t get me wrong, I think stars are important, but a lot of it has to do with the amount of education the teachers have.  A lot of Charlotte’s teachers are in school, have Associate’s Degrees in Early Childhood Education and are working on their bachelor’s degrees.  They are just young.  Others may not have gone to college, but have been in childcare facilities for decades and have great experience working with children.  Their schooling automatically knocks the  star rating down even though they are awesome teachers.

Charlotte’s school has three stars.  This stressed me out and made me feel like a terrible parent for awhile until I looked into the system some more and realized the relatively insignificant things that bumped up the rating for a facility.  I think you have to take the ratings with a grain of salt.  By-the-way, my personal research into price showed very little difference in tuition prices for schools with 3 to 5 stars.  Oh, and religious-based schools just have to meet a state compliance standard and don’t have to do anything with stars if they don’t want to.  Again, take the stars with a grain of salt.

Programs- I like the variety of things they offer.  Charlotte’s school has a pool with swimming lessons starting at a certain age,  gymnastics, theatrical performances and art.  I do wish there was more foreign language, but they do some Spanish lessons now that she’s in the Two’s Class.  I seriously couldn’t believe it when I got her first “Report Card” when she was like, 5 months old.  They discussed how Charlotte was doing with Infant Curriculum.  Huh?  For real?  Yep, they assessed how she was holding up her head, doing tummy time, responding to her teacher’s facial expressions and other baby milestones.  It cracked me up.

Now Charlotte will come home and put her head on the ground while lifting her leg.  When we ask her what she’s doing she says, “I do Yoga!”  Yes, they offer Yoga and Zumba for toddlers.  I keep thinking, “Yoga, Zumba, afternoon naps with classical music and snacks?  Um.  I wanna be in daycare!”

Food- We chose a school that offers a menu.  I figured if we paid this much, the price better include feeding my kid.  There are some places you have to pack their lunch everyday.  There is no way we are going pack her lunch everyday.  I will when she’s in elementary school so she can experience the “lunchbox novelty” and I won’t stress over public school food.

I was worried about the school menu until I looked at it.  At her school they include veggies, fruit and whole grains in every meal.  Um, yeah.  That’s often better than what she gets at home.  At first I didn’t like tater tot Fridays once a month, but then I realized it will be almost impossible to raise a child who has never tasted a tot.  The school menu made us branch out with what we feed our daughter.  She ate taco salad at school and decided she loved it.  Huh?  I never would have guessed that if it weren’t for the school food.

I also think this is where positive peer pressure comes in.  Her teachers said kids who may not eat veggies at home tend to eat them when the whole class is chowing on some green beans.

Socialization– Every kid cries sometimes when their parents drop them off at daycare.  It’s inevitable.  But, I’ve noticed a bit of a trend.  The kids who started daycare at 18 months or 2 years seem to cry a lot when my kid doesn’t even know that I’m gone.  Charlotte and most of her friends have been there since they were 3 months old.  They know we’re coming back.  They also know the toys in the classroom are super cool and they don’t have all these playmates at home.

So that is why  and how we chose our daycare.  I’m am seriously not an expert on this.  What did I miss?  How did you choose your childcare?  What do you like about your daycare?