Pledging Theta- June 30, 2010
This is my post contributing to Theta Mom’s blogaversary contest. The topic is “Proud Theta Mom”.
Pledging Theta
Theta. The eighth letter of the Greek alphabet. Seven away from Alpha. So if you’re a Theta Mom, that’s six better women between you and an Alpha Mom. We all know an Alpha Mom. Her children, her hair, and her on-time thank-you-notes are perfect.
I truly believe the letter mom you are starts before motherhood. Alpha Moms are Alpha Women. I know this because I’m not an initiated mother yet. I’m pregnant for the first time. So I’m kind of in my pledge period. (Oh sorority! Those days were fun. Now you know how I know my Greek alphabet. It’s because I can recruit Freshmen, change lyrics of popular songs for rush, and play a mean game of flip cup. It’s not because I studied Greek or Latin.) I’m pledging. I got in. Sperm met egg. Nausea’s done. I’ve bought maternity pants. I’m on my way baby! But, God I know nothing! It’s like I’m even less than a Theta.
So, down to Iota. I don’t know one Iota about having a newborn in my home. How often do I feed her? Then there’s the breast/bottle battle. Which do I do? Here’s a secret of an Iota Mom. BREASTFEEDING FREAKS ME OUT! There I said it. I’m afraid of chaffed, chapped nipples. The word chaffed is even annoying to me. The thought of saliva on my breasts is gross to me. Go ahead La Leche, string me up! I already feel guilty enough about it. If I can’t (pardon the pun) suck it up and make breast feeding work, I feel like I’ll be a terrible mother.
Kappa. Now I’m a Kappa Mom. Why? Take a look at the dishes in my sink, they’ll distract you from my unmade bed and the tumbleweed of dog hair that just blew across my living room.
A messy house has to drop me down to Lambda. Only a Lambda Mom would spend an inordinate amount of time online looking for a designer diaper bag, while not having bought a single pack of Onesies for her child.
Mu, thank goodness for child safety seats today because I drive like your grandma if she were behind the wheel applying lipstick and adjusting her Depends.
Nu. Who Nu your kid needs a name? Apparently the Federal Government and Department of Social Security highly recommend a name for your baby. We have not come to a consensus on this and the baby continues to be referred to as the “fruit of the week” courtesy of the What To Expect When You’re Expecting iPhone app. Granted, we are at papaya this week and Papaya could be lovely for a little girl. Too bad we don’t live in Costa Rica.
I could keep going through each letter, highlighting my every fallacy. But, let’s just skip ahead to Omega. My biggest fear is becoming an Omega Mom, bottom of the parenting barrel. What if she inherits my worst traits?
My Omega trait is a doozy. One I’m terrified everyday of passing to my daughter. Okay Internet, ready for my big bad secret? I had a terrible eating disorder as a teen. I mean in-the-hospital-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-that-girl-anorexic. There. It’s out. Omega. The thought of passing on this disease to my child makes me want to scream and beat something. How will I handle losing baby weight? People with a history of mental illness have huge red targets on their backs for Post Partum Depression. I understand it’s an illness, a chemical problem in your brain, but daughters pick up on the weaknesses of their mothers anyway.
But, I think I’ll make it. Through this pregnancy I’ve realized more and more that the sick girl I once was is nothing like the woman I am now. I beat it. I conquered my eating disorder and I am AWARE. I have knowledge, and I can admit when I need help.
Even with this alphabet of faults, by the time my pledge period is done and I’m a full-fledged mother, I’ll be okay. I won’t be perfect, mind you, never an Alpha Mom. I’ll be a Theta, proud to be in the sorority of Theta Moms who understand that while they’re mothers, they’re also human.
It will be an honor to be in this beautifully imperfect sisterhood. (Do I learn the secret handshake at the hospital?)
Spread it around:
I LOVE this!! How creative! So awesome how you integrated the other greek letters and referenced them into motherhood. What a fun and HONEST post. The breast-feeding worries, the dishes in the sink, I understood it all!!
And "Do I learn the secret handshake at the hospital?" <—-I love that!! We should create one! 😉
Thanks for linking up and sharing!!
This was SUCH a great post!!! I loved it! You are going to be a GREAT mom…don't worry.
Some advice from a sort-of-seasoned pro:
Do what works for YOU and YOUR baby…and don't let anyone, or any baby book, or any baby website make you feel like you are making the wrong choices or doing something the wrong way. Motherhood is different for each and every one of us, and it is OK to do things differently than your friends, etc. I WISH that someone had told me that when I had my son, because I spent so much time worrying about what everyone else was doing instead of worrying about what was best for us.
Motherhood will turn your life upside down…and just know that when it does…that means that you are doing EVERYTHING right! Anything in life that is worth ANYTHING at all is hard…so just embrace it!
Fabulous (and very funny) post! You'll be a terrific mother – just don't overthink things and go with your gut – it's rarely wrong. The biggest lesson I've learned in my 6 short months of mommyhood is to listen to myself … not others … there is simply no one who knows what is best for her better than I. Best of Luck to you
You've been an Alpha wife, so no reason to believe you won't be an Alpha mom. Besides, it is the strength you've exhibited to overcome challenges that makes me supremely confident that you'll be the perfect mother to our child.
But you are a lousy driver
This is SUCH a great post – and sums up so much of how I am feeling too! Thanks for reminding me its ok to feel scared, unsure and totally unprepared. Congrats on your pregnancy, and I look forward to following the rest of your pregnancy journey!
You lovely moms are so sweet and always make my day. I'm sorry I haven't responded until now but, I read them!
To my husband who would respond on my blog. You are the sweetest ever! I love you!
Parenting is an inexact art. I felt the same way about breast-feeding– was formula fed myself and believe myself to be brilliant, so had no problem with the idea of formula. My husband really wanted me to breastfeed though. So I gave it a try and I'm not going to lie, it HURTS– at first. Then it feels WONDERFUL. I'm talking orgasmically wonderful. Some chemical gets released and it's just a great feeling. If you try it, you have to try it for six weeks. That's how long it takes for everything to get pretty regulated. During that time, use the breastpump if they start to hurt and don't feel bad about supplementing with formula. Either way, your baby will be fine and she will be most happy when mommy's most happy.
Also, having a history of OCD and depression myself, I too was worried about post-partum depression. It didn't happen for me. All those problems from adolescence- including acne- seemed to be cured by motherhood. Get your OB to prescribe anti-depressants (I took Celexa throughout pregnancy and breastfeeding and everybody's fine) and just take care of yourself. You'll be great.
This is fantastic! I love how you incorporated all of the Greek alphabet and did the comparison to pledging.
True story… I spent tons of time packing & organizing my diaper bag only to completely forget to bring it to Madison's first appointment, lol.
Ummmm, you WERE an Alpha mom, to 22 of us:)<>Adpi love to you momma:)