Washing it away- January 24, 2012
In those first few weeks after Charlotte was born I would live to be able to take a shower. It was 20, quiet, uninterrupted minutes I could take for myself. I would stand there and let the water drip down my still spongy belly, hoping it would wash away my dropping hormones. The warmth would soothe my sore, swollen breasts. I knew soon enough I would be called upon to feed her again.
I would breathe in the steam, rest my head on the cold tiles, and pray.
“Why, God am I so anxious, and scared, and nervous? Please free me of all that haunts my brain!”
Lately I’ve been putting Charlotte in the shower with me, mostly as a time saver. But, it has turned into the funniest little playtime. She LOVES the water. She splashes as it pools around the drain. She shows off her rubber duckies and squawks out what I can only guess is her version of singing in the shower. We giggle at bubbles on soaped up tummies.
I breathe in the smell of baby shampoo, rest my head against hers, and pray.
“How, God did I get this lucky? Thank you for this love. Thank you for the privilege of experiencing this joy!”
I still live to be able to take a shower.
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