He’s 13 months old. He nurses less and less. He would drink more if I let him, but today he just nursed before bed. I stopped pumping right after his first birthday. He kept breastfeeding each day before naps and bed, but we’re doing it less. His big sister stopped at 13 months. I remember being a little sad, but I was okay. Time marched on. I would have another baby. No biggie. It was actually nice to have my body be my own again.

This time I’m sad.

This might be my last baby. All the infant milestones have been a little more bittersweet with the second baby, but this one hurts.

What if this is the last time I ever nurse one of my babies? This might be it. It may be over. I may never be pregnant again. I may never snuggle my sleepy newborn or snuggle my round little infant as they suckle.

If I stop nursing him, will he still want to snuggle with me? Maybe. Maybe not. Everyday I steal kisses and snuggles in “catch and release” style as he wobbles toward toddlerhood.

Part of me is ready to be done breastfeeding. He has a mouth full of teeth and vigorous kicking legs. But, the other part of me looks into his eyes that are turning a darker shade of blue into the green of my own and I want to hold him tighter. I cradle a baby that is (kind of) calm when he nurses. He smiles with coos and grunts that make us both giggle. Those times are ours alone, and they are numbered.

I don’t know when the last time I nurse him will be. I don’t remember the exact last time with my daughter. I just know it’s coming soon.

Instead of mourning the time gone, I’m trying to be thankful for being able to successfully breastfeed two healthy babies. I know not all mothers get that. I’m thankful that breastfeeding was a mostly positive experience for me.

This just marks the end of infancy. I am excited for what is to come. I am. I’m just bracing my heart for more milestones that may be a little bittersweet.

Alright. I’m bucking up. I’m looking into their little faces and being excited and thankful. I can do this. It’s almost time for the last time, and that’s okay. Writing this makes me feel better. Time marches on. Ah, motherhood! It is bittersweet.

 

The jolly fat man has become a marker of time. A growth chart. A yearly reminder of all that has changed and all that has stayed the same. I know I can’t always dress them in matching monogrammed plaid, but I’ll do it as long as I can. I’ll make this collage for as long as they will let me pose them, even if they’re just pretending they still believe. Merry Christmas.

 

 

I wonder if anyone has loved cake quite like this. Yeah, It was buttercream.

 

We’re preparing for Henry’s baby dedication tomorrow. For those of other faiths, that’s the Baptist equivalent of a christening/baptism for a baby. I totally meant to do it when he was younger, before his first birthday, but we just joined a new church. Tomorrow we are having a family celebration for the kids’ birthdays after the service.  (They are 4 and 1 this week if you haven’t followed all my nauseating activity on social media.)

First birthday. Baby dedication. I clean the house and feed everyone once. Boom. It’s a beautiful thing. I picked up the cake today. I just posted this on Instagram:

Greyson says, “Um, why did you get a cross cake? You make us look like zealots or something.” I’ll admit. There is a hint of piousness mixed in that icing. I’m not one for Bible beating or forcing my faith through food or any other means. I just got your standard cake from the grocery store bakery under the “Baptism/Christening/Communion” designs.

Charlotte’s cake for her baby dedication was from a specialty bakery and had her monogram on it. Oh, and it must have been made with holy water and had edible gold flecks in the fondant for the outlandish price I paid. Screw that. I’m not buying that again. Poor second child. He gets grocery store cake.

I will say, there are two things I will NOT STAND FOR when it comes to cake.

1. Almond flavoring- Remember how old-school wedding cakes were RUINED by that stuff? Ugh! It makes it taste like Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper is the devils brew. Speaking of the devil…

2. Whipped icing- At the bakery they asked me if I wanted whipped or buttercream icing. Why would you even ask me that?! I would never subject my sweet babies to whipped icing on their birthdays. It’s “icing lite.” It’s crap. If I’m eating cake, I want cake, not “cake lite.” Beth Anne said it best, “Whipped icing is the devil’s baby batter.”

So true. Lord knows the devil has no place on my holy rolling cake. Can I get an “Amen?”

Oh, I am still tired. Less tired than I was, but still sleepy. My darling little baby is 8.5 months old. He’s still not sleeping through the night. It’s been a battle, but we are so close! Hopefully I’ll get some good pointers when I attend a seminar with a pediatric sleep expert soon. That’s why I have put off writing this post. Two companies sent me some great products that have really helped Henry sleep and I want to do them justice, but it took several months to get where we are now. I’m going to write about one today and one next week. Stay tuned for more.

So where are we with Henry’s sleep? Well, he takes about a 30 to 45 minute nap in the morning and a two hour nap in the afternoon. He will go down anywhere between 8:30 and 10:00 pm before waking up one to three times a night. Let me be clear when I tell you this is SO MUCH BETTER than it was. I flashback to the days I slept downstairs on the couch with him either on my chest or in the bouncy seat because he woke up every hour or every other hour each night. I’m still waiting for him to sleep for a continuous 8 to 12 hours. We will get there! Keep the faith!

We were spoiled by our daughter. She slept through the night at just a few weeks old. She loved being swaddled. We only used one brand of swaddle with her. Summer Infant Swaddle. When we brought Henry home, we snuggled him up in the same pink fleece swaddle his sister was in. He also rocked the one with pink butterflies. (See below.) I tried to tell my mom that Henry’s manhood was in no way threatened by the pink, but she wanted to get him “a more masculine swaddle.” I told her that was fine as long as it was the Summer Swaddle with the Velcro. Both my babies calmed down as soon as they were swaddled. Granted, Charlotte slept through the night and Henry woke more often, but they both loved the secure feeling.

Right as I was transitioning Henry out of the swaddle this spring, Summer sent me some of their new offerings. They now have four stages that will take you at least through baby’s first year.

1. I was so bummed out that my kids were too big for the SwaddlePod. They would have LOVED that since newborns seem to like to have their hands by their heads. It’s so “womby” and cuddly. Love it!
2. We started with the SwaddleMe stage. (That is the pink swaddle and butterfly swaddle I referenced.) We called them our “baby burritos.” They loved them! They can’t break their arms out and startle themselves awake. So many parents tell me, “They break out of the swaddle!” Not these.
3. When Henry was ready to transition out of the swaddle and it was getting warmer, the level 3 SwaddleMe Wrap Sack was perfect!
4. Now we are in the SwaddleMe Wearable Blanket and I LOVE it. Henry uses it for his naps everyday. When he sees it he knows it’s nap time. It zips for easy diaper changes. I am still not comfortable with blankets in his crib, so this is great. We call him the “flying squirrel” in this thing. It makes me chuckle every time we put him in it.

So, the SwaddleMe Wearable Blanket is what we’re using for naps now and he is consistently taking good naps. We always had them in seasonal pajamas under their swaddle. We used fleece on cold nights and cotton every other time. If we were in the fleece swaddle, we typically had lighter pajamas underneath. We just used our best temperature judgment and they were almost always comfortable.

Henry uses another product for overnight right now, I’ll write about that next week. Again, we have used Summer swaddles with both babies and highly recommend them. Who wants some?! Summer is offering a super lucky Somebody’s Parents reader a prize package of all four products pictured above! Dude! Baby shower present, anyone? You pick boy colors, girl colors or gender neutral. Don’t fear the pink, boys! Henry didn’t. I’ll pick a winner Wednesday. Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway
Disclaimer: Summer Infant sent me swaddles. My opinions are free. I only write about stuff I like.