This morning I got dressed for work and glanced at my reflection wearing a pretty blue cardigan, dress pants, and peep toe heels.  I was comfortable.

This afternoon I grabbed some chocolate from the office candy jar.  I enjoyed every sweet bite.

Tonight I shared leftover takeout with my husband.  We chuckled at our baby smearing her dinner around.  I was happy.

There was a time in my life when none of that was possible.  No mealtime was comfortable.  Any treat was guilt-ridden.  No clothing looked good.  I was consumed by the self-loathing and obsessive behavior that comes with an eating disorder.

I don’t talk about Anorexia very often.  It’s not that I won’t or can’t.  I will and I can.  I’m not ashamed of what I’ve been through.  In fact, I’m proud of my recovery.  It’s just in my past.

I thank God all the time that my disease didn’t take my life.  I thank God it didn’t  take my fertility.

I hope and pray that anyone suffering from an eating disorder can get to where I am.  I wish they too could get to the point of not really thinking about their disease because it doesn’t consume them anymore.

If you want to know more. Ask me.  I’ll help however I can.

It’s National Eating Disorders Awareness Week.  Be informed.  Know the signs.  If someone you know is suffering.  GET THEM HELP!  Donate.  Tweet it out with #NEDAwareness this week.

Aaaannnd…cue “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child.

“Thought I couldn’t breath without ya,
I’m inhalin’
You thought I couldn’t see without ya,
perfect vision
You thought I couldn’t last without ya,
but I’m lastin’
You thought that I would die without ya,
but I’m livin’
Thought that I would fail without ya,
but I’m on top
Thought that it would be over by now,
but it won’t stop….
Thought that I would self destruct,
but I’m still here Even in my years to come,
I’m still gonna be here”

When I was seven-years-old I wrote fan mail to my favorite News Anchor, in crayon.  With childlike optimism, and a rainbow of colors I predicted my future.  I told her I wanted to be on the news one day.

I get to see that woman every time I go to my in-laws’ home.  Greyson is from Littleton, Colorado.  Adele Arakawa worked in Raleigh before going to Chicago, and then KUSA in Denver.

www.news9.com

In high school I produced, directed, worked the cameras, reported, and anchored for ADTV.  What?  You mean you don’t know what that is? That’s Athens Drive Television at Athens Drive High School.   Oftentimes, even to this day if I see someone from high school, they’ll mention my glory days on the morning announcements.  Hey, someone had to deliver the latest breaking news on the Cross Country team practice, or the Chess Club’s victory.  It was truly fine journalism.

My senior year, all the kids in my class have to give speeches in front of the church as we graduate.  I ended mine with, “I’ll see you on the six ‘o clock news!”  Any time I thought about changing majors, or changing professions.  I thought about that speech.  In my mind, that speech sealed my fate.  I wasn’t going to let everyone (translation: me) down.

After finishing my degree in Media Studies at UNC Greensboro and an internship at WGHP I had no money and the lease on my apartment was up.  I went home to my parents with no idea what I was going to do.

Somehow I managed a job interview at News 14 Carolina in Raleigh.  No one told me walking into that newsroom at 22 years old would change the course of my life.

I was hired as a part-time Associate Producer on the weekends.  I wrote scripts for the newscast.  Very bad scripts.

That’s okay, though.  I mean, I wasn’t gonna stay at that cable news station.  Oh no!  I had my super awesome reporter resume tape from college. ::snicker:: (No, no one will ever see it, ever.  Don’t ask!)  I was sending it out to small stations around the Southeast.  See, in TV news you start out in small markets in Podunk, USA and work your way up.

That’s what I thought anyway.  That is until I met the sports guy at News 14.  Who is he?  Oh, just the guy I’ve been married to for 6 years and have a kid with.  Love has that effect on you.

So I stayed.

I stayed at News 14 knowing it would be hard, well, nearly impossible to start an on-air career at a TV station in a market the size of Raleigh.  Even if it is cable.

But, I did it.

I worked up the ranks.  As an Assignment Editor I pulled my hair out coordinating the day’s assignments for photographers and reporters.  As a Producer I dragged my ragged body into the station at 1:00am to get the morning news on.

I finally got my chance on-air after coming in on my off days to learn to shoot, and edit my own stories.  It would still be a couple years of producing and reporting before I started reporting full-time.  Even then I worked weekends when my friends played, and worked nights when my husband was home.  (He got out of news right after we got married.)

This is me with Air Force One during President Obama's visit to Raleigh sometime in 2009. It had to be the summer because it was HOT on that tarmac!

I did 5:00am live shots and hauled equipment at 8.5 months pregnant.  I covered Presidential visits, high-profile murder trials, contentious state elections, marathon school board meetings, and more different types of weather than anyone should have to deal with.   I even made it to the anchor desk as a fill-in anchor.

One of the many snow storms I've covered. Snow is big news in the South. We get them in North Carolina, but not as often as hurricanes, it seems. (I'm joking.)

I kept at it.

I never wanted to get to network news.  That was never my goal.  I wanted to report the news in my hometown.  I did.

And now I’m done.

I will miss the occasional celebrity sighting. (Ladies, Jimmie Johnson is even better looking in person and smelled amazing!)

I felt like I owed it to myself to go back after I had my baby.  It’s been a whole year since maternity leave and it’s just time to walk away.  I’ve accomplished what I wanted to, and now it’s time for new goals.

My step-brother Bryce took this picture of himself one of the nights I anchored. Funny!

This blog has inspired me to embrace the kind of writing I really love.  My mom always called writing my “true talent”.  I’ve always felt I had to be a little more guarded on my blog compared to other bloggers because of my profession.

It was very serendipitous that I met the president of a local Public Relations firm who needed someone who knows about editing video and writing for social media.  After all, I had been complaining around here for some time that I was ready for change.  Now I have it.  I start my new job February, 8.  I’ll have better hours and more time with my family.  I can’t wait!

After 8 years this is my last week at News 14.  I cried when I told my Assistant News Director I was leaving.  I went in a college kid and left a news woman.  I grew up there.

I realized the girl who wrote that crayon letter and gave that speech is now a woman.  I’m a wife, and mother with different priorities.  I’m so proud of what I accomplished in news, but I want something different.

I may not be Adele, but I’m Amy.  I’ve lived my dream.  Not many people can say that.  With a joyful heart, and watery eyes I’ll sign out for the last time Friday, and move on to the next dream.

In those first few weeks after Charlotte was born I would live to be able to take a shower.  It was 20, quiet, uninterrupted minutes I could take for myself.  I would stand there and let the water drip down my still spongy belly, hoping it would wash away my dropping hormones.  The warmth would soothe my sore, swollen breasts.  I knew soon enough I would be called upon to feed her again. 

I would breathe in the steam, rest my head on the cold tiles, and pray.

“Why, God am I so anxious, and scared, and nervous?  Please free me of all that haunts my brain!” 

Lately I’ve been putting Charlotte in the shower with me, mostly as a time saver.  But, it has turned into the funniest little playtime.  She LOVES the water.  She splashes as it pools around the drain.  She shows off her rubber duckies and squawks out what I can only guess is her version of singing in the shower.  We giggle at bubbles on soaped up tummies. 

I breathe in the smell of baby shampoo, rest my head against hers, and pray.

“How, God did I get this lucky?  Thank you for this love.  Thank you for the privilege of experiencing this joy!”

I still live to be able to take a shower.

We kept Charlotte at home today as she fights a nasty cold and fever.  After an epic battle between pediatrician and baby this morning, the doc came out on top and was actually able to look in her ears and determine she had an ear infection.   This will be her first-ever round of antibiotics.  I’m not looking forward to the legendary “Amoxicillin diapers” I’ve heard foretold from other mothers.

I opened the bottle to begin an inevitable mama/baby battle of wills.  I eventually waved the white flag by preparing my newest culinary delight, Applesauce a’ la Amoxicillin.

I would know that cherry/bubblegum smell anywhere.  A flood of memories came back as I flashed back to standing in the kitchen as my mom measured out the pink suspension with an old kitchen teaspoon.  Amoxicillin has been a staple of First World childhoods for decades, mine was no exception.  However, I had forgotten all about the stuff.

That got me thinking of all the other childhood things I had forgotten about until I had a child.  I mean, apart from the occasional babysitting job in college, I had little to no daily interaction with children until I had a baby.  My adult life caused me to forget so many things about childhood.

Here’s a list of stuff I forgot about, or hadn’t thought about in many years…

• 3 Blind Mice– You know, the song?  I miraculously knew all the words when Charlotte’s little toy started playing it.
• Rectal thermometers
• Cups with lids
• Mr. Snuffleupagus–  All of the sudden everyone on Sesame Street can see him.  What’s up with that?  I thought only Big Bird could see him?

muppet.wikia.com

• Crayons that come with kids’ menus
• Doll babies with blinking eyes and thumbs that stick in their mouths
• Receiving blankets
• Board books– Now I realize why little ones can’t have books with regular pages
• Johnson’s Baby Shampoo– Ah!  That smell!  Good thing they’re gonna make it cancer-free now.  I guess we adults can expect our shampoo cancer diagnosis anytime now.
• Stride Rite–  I will NEVER go in on a weekend again.  (That shopping trip deserves it’s own post.)