You know when you get one of those phone calls, one that you don’t expect and definitely don’t want?  Yeah, I got one today.  I was on the way to work after dropping Charlotte off at daycare.  Greyson called.  When I saw the phone I assumed it was something about the house or the dog, maybe a reminder that I was picking Charlotte up this afternoon.  Nope.

He said, “Hey, listen.  I’m having really bad chest pains and I feel really lightheaded.  I’m going to call 911.”

What?  This is a man who in the 9 years I have known him has had a flu-like illness twice, a handful of colds he gets over within 3 days and a 12 hour stomach bug.  I knew it had to be serious.  The numbers 9-1-1 came out of his mouth.

I turned the corner, headed home and called work.  I walked in the door and saw my husband hooked up to an EKG machine and two EMT’s with him.  He was so pale.  His EKG was normal but the paramedics recommended he go to the hospital.

This was how we spent our day.

I watched the man I love lay pale and exhausted in a little hospital bed.  I laid my head on his shoulder and we watched some Netflix on his phone to kill the time between blood work and heart stress tests.  I said little prayers and touched his forehead and face.

Hours later it was all okay.  He was released and told to follow up with his physician next week.  They don’t know what caused his chest pains.  A “cardiac event” or a muscular thing?  They aren’t sure.

Regardless, it scared us.  It scared us into making some changes.  The last time we left that hospital we had our newborn baby in tow.  That is the only reason we want to go back there.

Here’s to healthier changes.

Back in the day when we were kids, I think  “daycare” was somehow a bad word.  It was sort of like “Oh!  You go to DAYCARE?!  Your mom has to work?!  Are you poor?”    I thought of daycare as a place where a woman in curlers and a bathrobe kept kids fenced in her front yard with rusty old playground equipment while she went through a pack of Salem Lights.  That was before she took the dirty children inside to watch “The Young and the Restless.”   This of course, is my misguided perception.  I’m sure there were many quality daycare centers 30 years ago.

Now it’s like,  “Where do your kids go to daycare?  Oh, really?  They don’t?  Well they won’t be ready for kindergarten if you don’t start newborn baby curriculum!  We’re at Yuppie & Hipster Montessori.  We pay twice our mortgage payment every month to send the kids there, but it was important for us to have Jasper and Kinsley in a full-time Mandarin immersion program.”

I had a babysitter during the day when I was little, then my mom stayed home when my little sister was born.  Mom went back to her career when my sister went to kindergarten.

I’ve had some readers and friends ask me recently about how I found Charlotte’s daycare and why we go there.  The short answer?  That’s where we were able to get in when I had to go back to work after maternity leave.  We like her school.  I’m really glad she’s there.  It was a great decision for us.

Waiting Lists– In a previous post about giving advice to pregnant women, I mentioned you have to get on the waiting list at a daycare, pronto!  Like, in your second trimester.  We were on the waiting lists at five different schools.  It was $150 fee to get on the waiting list.  You can kiss that money good-bye.  You don’t get it back.  I toured each of these and got absolutely no guarantee from any of them that she was in until after she was born.  Quality infant classes are tough to get into.

Stars- In North Carolina there is a Star Rated License program.  I’m sure many states have similar licensing programs.  To me, it seems like sort of a crock.  Why?  It’s just really confusing, first of all.  Secondly, you get one star if you meet state standards.  So, any other stars are ones the schools apply for.  Huh?  I have friends who sent their kids to a “Five Star” facility and were very unhappy when they discovered some unsanitary practices being covered up.  They said they were fooled by the shiny, pretty new building.  Also, your school could meet state requirements with one star, but then have a bunch of other accredidations instead of the stars.  You just have to check into it.

Don’t get me wrong, I think stars are important, but a lot of it has to do with the amount of education the teachers have.  A lot of Charlotte’s teachers are in school, have Associate’s Degrees in Early Childhood Education and are working on their bachelor’s degrees.  They are just young.  Others may not have gone to college, but have been in childcare facilities for decades and have great experience working with children.  Their schooling automatically knocks the  star rating down even though they are awesome teachers.

Charlotte’s school has three stars.  This stressed me out and made me feel like a terrible parent for awhile until I looked into the system some more and realized the relatively insignificant things that bumped up the rating for a facility.  I think you have to take the ratings with a grain of salt.  By-the-way, my personal research into price showed very little difference in tuition prices for schools with 3 to 5 stars.  Oh, and religious-based schools just have to meet a state compliance standard and don’t have to do anything with stars if they don’t want to.  Again, take the stars with a grain of salt.

Programs- I like the variety of things they offer.  Charlotte’s school has a pool with swimming lessons starting at a certain age,  gymnastics, theatrical performances and art.  I do wish there was more foreign language, but they do some Spanish lessons now that she’s in the Two’s Class.  I seriously couldn’t believe it when I got her first “Report Card” when she was like, 5 months old.  They discussed how Charlotte was doing with Infant Curriculum.  Huh?  For real?  Yep, they assessed how she was holding up her head, doing tummy time, responding to her teacher’s facial expressions and other baby milestones.  It cracked me up.

Now Charlotte will come home and put her head on the ground while lifting her leg.  When we ask her what she’s doing she says, “I do Yoga!”  Yes, they offer Yoga and Zumba for toddlers.  I keep thinking, “Yoga, Zumba, afternoon naps with classical music and snacks?  Um.  I wanna be in daycare!”

Food- We chose a school that offers a menu.  I figured if we paid this much, the price better include feeding my kid.  There are some places you have to pack their lunch everyday.  There is no way we are going pack her lunch everyday.  I will when she’s in elementary school so she can experience the “lunchbox novelty” and I won’t stress over public school food.

I was worried about the school menu until I looked at it.  At her school they include veggies, fruit and whole grains in every meal.  Um, yeah.  That’s often better than what she gets at home.  At first I didn’t like tater tot Fridays once a month, but then I realized it will be almost impossible to raise a child who has never tasted a tot.  The school menu made us branch out with what we feed our daughter.  She ate taco salad at school and decided she loved it.  Huh?  I never would have guessed that if it weren’t for the school food.

I also think this is where positive peer pressure comes in.  Her teachers said kids who may not eat veggies at home tend to eat them when the whole class is chowing on some green beans.

Socialization– Every kid cries sometimes when their parents drop them off at daycare.  It’s inevitable.  But, I’ve noticed a bit of a trend.  The kids who started daycare at 18 months or 2 years seem to cry a lot when my kid doesn’t even know that I’m gone.  Charlotte and most of her friends have been there since they were 3 months old.  They know we’re coming back.  They also know the toys in the classroom are super cool and they don’t have all these playmates at home.

So that is why  and how we chose our daycare.  I’m am seriously not an expert on this.  What did I miss?  How did you choose your childcare?  What do you like about your daycare?

I’ve told you all before about how we have the greatest, most amazeballs people for friends.  (They would laugh at my use of the term “amazeballs” and subsequently make fun of me.)

We had this band of jokers over to our place for the “Big Game” last night.  I wonder if the National Football League will grab me by my amazeballs if I call it what it was.  It was the Beyonce concert!  I’m kidding.  We had our friends over to watch the Super Bowl.

Charlotte had a bit of a cough and runny nose.  Charlotte’s friend Josh, a fellow two-year-old, came over too.  I warned his parents of her slight cold symptoms and they had no problem with this.  They are both daycare kids and it’s February, after all.  Colds are just part of their lives like sippy cups and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Murphy’s Law of parental party planning states: “The child will seem fine all day and then when the doorbell rings she will hack all over everyone.  If your guests are enjoying food with paper plates on their laps, the child will walk by and cough on their eye level entrees.

I apologize in advance to our friends for their colds.  Please remember what amazeballs friends we are.

Come for the beer, stay for the boogers.

This weekend I went to the baby shower of a first-time mom.  Amber is a girl I grew up with and one of my sister’s best friends.  (See picture below. That’s Amber.) Julie is my little sister, but Kristen and Amber made up their gruesome threesome.  I feel like the other two are sort of “little sisters” too.

Amber had a mountain of gifts, thoughtfully wrapped and checked off her registry.  Many other young mothers, me included, talked about different gifts.  You know, how no Americans knew who Sophie was 5 years ago, unless you had a baby in the last 5 years.  Now like, OMG everyone’s baby LOVES them!

I sat there with my two-year-old but I found my mind running.  I wanted to shout out, “Oooh!  Let me tell you how to best use that!” or “I used that this one time when…”  I chatted with the mom-to-be about childcare and other things, but I wanted to say more.  I found myself bubbling up with advice that I had to consciously bottle up at the shower.  I didn’t want to be like, “I know it all because a person came out of my birth canal and I kept it alive for two years!”  No one likes that woman.  Then I thought, “Oh that’s right.  I have a blog.  I can write whatever I want to there.”

So here it is.  For all the Amber’s out there with your big bellies and glowing faces. My advice.  Take it or leave it.  I give it with love.

• Get a really good breast pump.  DO NOT cheap out on a breast pump.   It pays for itself as much as you use it.  Oh!  It pays for itself anyway.  For working mothers, breast pumps are now tax deductible.  Go ahead and warn your husband they are like $300.  But, save the receipt!  Again, TAX DEDUCTIBLE!  I did not rent one from the hospital because of this.  I had the Medela one that looks like a purse.  It was great.
• Get a hands-free pumping bra.  Looks hilarious, but extremely handy.  You’re welcome Bessie, now hook on up to that there pump and get yourself milked!  That’s  a good girl!
• Get on a waiting list for a day-care NOW!  If you’re not already on one by your baby shower, you may be screwed.  Sorry.  It’s true.  We were on five and only one could take us when I needed to go back to work.  Oh, it’s $150 to just get your name on the list at each one.  No, it’s not refundable.
• Wrap up those Dr. Brown’s bottles and take them back to the store.  They are a gigantic pain in the ass.  You will spend the next year of your life with a tiny bristle brush washing those stupid parts.  I’m not convinced they are any better than any other bottle and now I will have to use them for the next kid because I have about 25 of the damn things.
• Take the Brest Friend pillow to the hospital.  For me, it is the greatest breastfeeding invention of all time.  When I was shopping for Amber I saw the new Born Free pillow and got very excited.  It looks really great too and may have some features the Brest Friend pillow doesn’t have.
• You may have to buy more than one nursing pillow.  I had a Boppy at the hospital.  A friend brought me a Brest Friend.  Boom!  That worked.  Find the one that works.  For me, the Brest Friend worked when she was little, but the Boppy was better when she was older.  Like I said, the Born Free looks phenomenal.  You’ll have to adjust as you get more comfortable with nursing and your baby grows.
• Find a pediatrician.  We toured ours before the baby was born.  I didn’t know it, but having a lactation consultant at the pediatrician’s office was WONDERFUL for those newborn visits. Yep, I whipped out my boobs for the nurse at the peds office.  I needed advice and I knew she could give it.  Be weary of peds offices that don’t have them and be weary of peds offices that pump out formula samples.  Formula is fine, but advice that helps you keep nursing is even better.  You CAN do it.  It’s just hard at first.
• Buy a boxes of unscented maxi pads before you go into labor.  No one tells you you’re going to have a heavy period for 6 weeks after the baby is born and you can’t wear tampons.  Use unscented.  Trust me.  You’ll thank me later.  Use the big ice pack ones they send you home from the hospital with while you’re still sore.  But, you’ll run out and be with 8 extended family members who came to see the baby and you be all like, “Ah!  Someone go to the store!”
• Get your FMLA and maternity leave stuff lined up.  I was in a panic because we got a new HR rep at my old job when I was 8.5 months pregnant.  Fortunately, I got some of the necessary paperwork earlier.  MAKE SURE you know how much time you’re taking off and what’s paid and what’s unpaid.  My husband and my daughter were on my insurance so right after she came home from the hospital I had to get on the phone and make sure she was covered.
• Fill out paperwork for the cord blood banking now.  I totally didn’t and have no cord blood saved.  Not the end of the world, but it would be nice to have.
• Take everything from the bassinet at the hospital.  Diapers, wipes, everything.  It’s yours.  You paid for it with insurance.  Ask for two bulb syringes and two squirt bottles.  Get the nurse to grab you extra ice pack pads and that numbing spray to take home too.
• It’s okay to cry a lot.  You will.  You’ll cry at every freakin’ commercial with a baby, or when your mom leaves after staying with you that first week.  You’ll suddenly be afraid that EVERYTHING will harm the baby.  Ugh.  It’s a little rough sometimes.  You’ll get it together, but you cry a lot in the first few weeks.
• This is awesome.  It’s great.  Not all the time.  Sometimes it’s really hard, but it’s also amazing.

Phew!  That’s all I got today.  I may have to do a Part 2 of one of these posts.  Okay, other moms, what did I miss?  What did you wish you had known?

Pin it!  You know you want to!

Yes, this is a resolution post.  It’s January 2nd for pete’s sake!  It was either write this blog post or go to the gym where I would have to wait an hour for an elliptical machine.  “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”  So let’s just go with it, shall we?

I heard it said recently that “goals not written down are just wishes.” So true!  Some of my goals for 2013 are very personal, others mundane.  I won’t bother you with them here, but I wrote them down elsewhere.  I’m not wishing 2013 away.  “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”  (Wait, I’m starting to think that reference too 2012.  You think?)

Anyway, I read a lot of blogs today about resolutions, or choosing a single word that describes a theme for the year 2013.  I’ve come up with my word.

Question

Yep, as in asking questions.  Instead of resolutions, I’m asking questions.  Everyday I will ask myself this series of questions.  I made most of them open ended.  For example, I’m not going to ask myself, “Did you eat healthy today?’  But, instead I will ask, “What healthy food choices did you make today.”  It forces me to think about my decisions.  Here is my list of daily questions for 2013.

• What did you thank God for in your prayers today?
• What did you do today to show Greyson and Charlotte you love and appreciate them?
• When did you pet the dog?
• What did you do at work that accomplished a task or showed leadership?
• What step did you take to make your blog better?
• How many blogs did you comment on today?
• What healthy foods did you eat?
• How did you get exercise today?
• What junk did you get out of your car?

Is this a good idea?  Do you think I can do it?  Should I add to this list?  What questions are you asking  yourself in 2013?